When we have the opportunity to engage others, whether it be personally, professionally and even with family--we are always extending to others exactly who we are and what we know.
In selecting this topic, I am of the humble opinion that the more we know the better we grow. Cutting our teeth on learning communication techniques will always serve to be both respectful of others while keeping our own self respect.
By constantly filling our self up with all of the good, positive, pure and healthy will certainly give us the edge in life to become a higher functioninjg individual.
On my home page of my web site, bobrileycoaching.com, you will find three universal benefits to coaching. Communication is one of the three, however the other two are directly tied to how we express to others what we want, need , expect and tolerate. Please check those out when you can as well as lettters on my blog.
The 6 ways to build people are::
1. Be Amicable with Everyone. This isn't to say you are or will be buddy-buddy with them, just that you are more approachable, inviting and open to all.
2. Share with Everyone. Be that willing to share yourself with others as they will feel comfortable doing the same with you. Of course there is a limit and boundary to some things, I understand, however to be too guarded will keep from developing trust and dedication from them to you.
3. Seek Out Mentors and Knowledge. Anything needed to help you learn more, become more is certainly available to you if you just search long and hard enoough to find it.
4. Be Royally Loyal. Hewlett Packard learned this day after day after day within his organization. He walked the floor of his company demonstrating this to his people. The more you give this the more you will get in return. It is the best investment in others you can make.
5. Care to Be Fair. When you emulate this to others, their behavior towards you and others will yield a very positive return.
6. Always Find the Humor in Most Situations. One of the best indicators of one's ability to lead and be a positive role model is to laugh at themselves first so as to not leave the job to others. It neutralizes pressure in most all tense situations and brings a calm to any energized atmosphere.
I wish you all well as you continue to develop yourself in whatever way you feel the need to grow in. Just know that this journey through life is just that and not a destination we ever reach.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Men--How to Forgive and Apologize
There are as many differences between the sexes that we can imagine, however the importance of understanding both is crucial to the happiness of all.We never are going to fully know the inner workings of a woman's mind yet we need to live our life like we do.There are things we can do to begin a process of shifting our thoughts to reflect a more open, understanding mindset. A great way to demonstrate this is to learn how to truly forgive and to apologize. I am sure a automatic knee jerk reaction to this is, " sure, bet on it-can't wait". Well-we can continue on our merry way looking to "be right" OR we can choose to be happy.Your choice. When someone has to be right all of the time that means someone else has to be wrong. How do you think that feels always for them? Forgiving and apologizing in a sincere way is the highest form of respect you can give someone. It starts with you first though to have a genuine, gracious, open and honest heart. Pure love is able to be released to others which I believe is our greatest ability to create joy peace and happiness.Forgiving is totally releasing any emotion or future attitude toward another human being in regards to what was said or done. To truly do this for another gives you the best oppoprtunity to be forgiven when it becomes your turn. When you teach people how to treat you, they sense a feeling of trust, acceptance and support. When it comes to apologizing, learn the art of doing this which means "no explanations". If indeed you were illmannered, insensitive, abusive, etc, be man enough to say it, own it and ackowledge just what you did. Too many times men give these watered down excuses, reasons and explanations, hoping the other person will buy one of them to make it go away. That approach will never validate the other person in regards to the way they were made to feel. Men may not worry about this because usually a quick apology between men will do, however that is not what this is all about. Get this--if you are unwilling to be explicit with your mistakes and express this to a woman, she will keep the discussion going until you do. It just is extremely different for them. This is a law of life and definitely non-negotiable.These are two subjects we could go on and on with, I realize that, however if this is needed in your relationship or your life I would be glad to be of assistance. Happy trails!!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Identifying Abuse
(From the National Domestic Abuse Hotline)
Does your partner:
* Embarrass you with put downs
* Look at or act in ways that scare you
* Control who, what you do, see, talk to or go see
* Isolate you from friends, family members or supporters
* Manipulate you with control of money
* Dominate all decisions
* Criticize your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children
* Prevent you from working or attending school
* Deny or downplay abuse or try to blame you for "provoking" it
* Destroy your property
* Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Shove you, slap you, choke you, hit you or hurt you in some way
* Force you to drop charges
* Threaten to take their life
* Threaten to kill you, children or others
If you answered "YES" to just one of these questions your risk of living in an abusive situation is very high. Please seek out the proper help for yourself if this may be happening in your life.
(From the National Domestic Abuse Hotline)
Does your partner:
* Embarrass you with put downs
* Look at or act in ways that scare you
* Control who, what you do, see, talk to or go see
* Isolate you from friends, family members or supporters
* Manipulate you with control of money
* Dominate all decisions
* Criticize your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children
* Prevent you from working or attending school
* Deny or downplay abuse or try to blame you for "provoking" it
* Destroy your property
* Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Shove you, slap you, choke you, hit you or hurt you in some way
* Force you to drop charges
* Threaten to take their life
* Threaten to kill you, children or others
If you answered "YES" to just one of these questions your risk of living in an abusive situation is very high. Please seek out the proper help for yourself if this may be happening in your life.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Assertiveness or aggressiveness?
In following some published articles on health, stress and ways to manage these effectively, there has been a common theme to them which I have found quite interesting. There is evidence as to the very thoughts and feelings we carry around inside of us, "reacting" negatively to people, situations and just life's events taking place. Letting these build up inside of us, having revengeful, emotional attitudes we carry around 24/7, is likened to taking poison expecting others to die. We have the responsibility to "respond" more healthily, as we shoulder the burden on how to learn more about how to move past these events in terms of getting well.
In our rapidly changing world of our economy, businesses, families, relationships, fast paced technology advances and many other vital aspects of our lives, the need for understanding, insight, patience, awareness, diligence and stress reduction are of utmost concern.
Our families, jobs, relationships are all at risk due to the way we handle all of these encounters. There are three major significant areas of change which happen within us, they are our physiological, psychological and emotional balances. Our inner immune system takes a hit, our constructive methods of problem solving and coping are attacked while mood swings create anxiety, fears and depression.
I am not advocating a one size fits all solution, however if any of these three areas you have noticed are and have been impacted, then I strongly recommend you begin searching methods to reverse the trend. If we keep doing the same things with people or events, we will continue with the same results--no rocket science here. I can assure you that to healthily assert yourself, rather than be pushy, quarrelsome, attacking and fighting to be right, will be much healthier as you adopt these new ways for successfully thriving in today's world. This is all about how we handle change when we are confronted with it. Yes, change is and can be difficult sometimes, yet what turmoil you may feel in the inside will ensure a life of conflict on the outside. We must learn a much more healthy way of communicating effectively our wants, needs, fears, tolerations and expectations to others. The art of assertiveness gives you just that. You are respecting others rights of being while retaining your own.
The real difference between assertiveness and aggression is how the words we use, the behaviors we exhibit towards others, affect their well being and their rights. How do you want to be regarded? Are you a right fighter who argues to win? Do you look for more problems than solutions as if there is a reward for finding them? Are you in the mode of "victim" rather than the "victor" mode of consciousness? How do you see yourself and what do you need?
Working with a coach can elevate these areas of functioning, enabling you to think clearer, engage others more proactively while yielding more positive results overall in your life.
Just as a means of personal reflection and accountability, ask the people in your life who you know, like and trust, to give you feedback about your demeanor, ex: "Am I prone to act more aggressive or assertive"?
Take your own inventory so as to map out a plan for your success.
If you think of someone who might benefit some assertive skill building, please share my information with them as I would be honored to speak with them.
Thank you for your time.
In our rapidly changing world of our economy, businesses, families, relationships, fast paced technology advances and many other vital aspects of our lives, the need for understanding, insight, patience, awareness, diligence and stress reduction are of utmost concern.
Our families, jobs, relationships are all at risk due to the way we handle all of these encounters. There are three major significant areas of change which happen within us, they are our physiological, psychological and emotional balances. Our inner immune system takes a hit, our constructive methods of problem solving and coping are attacked while mood swings create anxiety, fears and depression.
I am not advocating a one size fits all solution, however if any of these three areas you have noticed are and have been impacted, then I strongly recommend you begin searching methods to reverse the trend. If we keep doing the same things with people or events, we will continue with the same results--no rocket science here. I can assure you that to healthily assert yourself, rather than be pushy, quarrelsome, attacking and fighting to be right, will be much healthier as you adopt these new ways for successfully thriving in today's world. This is all about how we handle change when we are confronted with it. Yes, change is and can be difficult sometimes, yet what turmoil you may feel in the inside will ensure a life of conflict on the outside. We must learn a much more healthy way of communicating effectively our wants, needs, fears, tolerations and expectations to others. The art of assertiveness gives you just that. You are respecting others rights of being while retaining your own.
The real difference between assertiveness and aggression is how the words we use, the behaviors we exhibit towards others, affect their well being and their rights. How do you want to be regarded? Are you a right fighter who argues to win? Do you look for more problems than solutions as if there is a reward for finding them? Are you in the mode of "victim" rather than the "victor" mode of consciousness? How do you see yourself and what do you need?
Working with a coach can elevate these areas of functioning, enabling you to think clearer, engage others more proactively while yielding more positive results overall in your life.
Just as a means of personal reflection and accountability, ask the people in your life who you know, like and trust, to give you feedback about your demeanor, ex: "Am I prone to act more aggressive or assertive"?
Take your own inventory so as to map out a plan for your success.
If you think of someone who might benefit some assertive skill building, please share my information with them as I would be honored to speak with them.
Thank you for your time.
Friday, September 10, 2010
How to Avoid Relationship killers
Here are a number of areas in relationships which can totally run it into the ditch without any willingness to change. I believe these are self explanatory and can stand on their own with maybe a little discussion of a few of them. I hope this provides some insight and help into the lives of many.
How do we avoid potential relationship pitfalls and what are some of the ones which cause these? Here are a few from my relationship coaching folks have had as concerns. I believe if we can learn from others, our own experiences can create more serenity, peace and contentment in the life we live.
RIGHT FIGHTING: People who engage in these type of discussions will generally and more often make others "wrong" which means everyone loses. Is that how you want to define yourself? If so, how much fun are you to live with?
ACCUSATORY OVERTONES: Do you look for blame, wrong, missing or lacking as if there were a reward for doing so? Be careful when pointing a finger as you will always have 3 pointing back at you.
MANIPULATION/CONTROL: Know and understand that the only thing we control are our reactions and responses to what happens to us. Other than that people are going to shut down and shut off towards any type of control they are living with. May work in the short run however it is very unhealthy, abusive and disrespectful.
RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY: To know and fully understand each of us is charged with growing, learning and becoming the very best person we can be. We do not do this at the expense of someone else's life. We create the very best relationship with our self first before joining our life with someone else.
COMMUNICATION HABITS: How many people I hear from, who just wish they could be talked to nicer, more sincerely and more truthfully as to what lays deep inside. Learn more about what we call the "currency" of others so we can deliver. What do they need, want and expect from people when being verbally engaged.
RESPECTING NEEDS AND WANTS: Here are a couple of areas of personal importance which are as individual as our fingerprints. Know how to access them and deliver as needed. It can be a game changer to everyone's life.
WORK THINGS OUT AS OPPOSED TO ACTING THINGS OUT: This one is so important as it dovetails to the communication title above. Without a language of feelings to fully express what it is you expect, then what happens is we emotionally wear our feelings on our sleeves and act it out hoping the other person gets our message. Rise above this.
GIVE AWAY 100 TO GET 50: This is a Dr. Phil-ism: "When you have to give up 100% of who you are to become half of something else, isn't the price you are having to pay just way too high"? Think about what, who and how much you might have been expected to compromise to have a life of someone else's expectations. Readjust, refigure and re launch the life you were authentically designed to live.
I hope these have been a mind shift for you or someone you might know who can benefit from this information. Any further information you would like, I welcome you to take advantage of my free introductory call to see how coaching can work for you.
How do we avoid potential relationship pitfalls and what are some of the ones which cause these? Here are a few from my relationship coaching folks have had as concerns. I believe if we can learn from others, our own experiences can create more serenity, peace and contentment in the life we live.
RIGHT FIGHTING: People who engage in these type of discussions will generally and more often make others "wrong" which means everyone loses. Is that how you want to define yourself? If so, how much fun are you to live with?
ACCUSATORY OVERTONES: Do you look for blame, wrong, missing or lacking as if there were a reward for doing so? Be careful when pointing a finger as you will always have 3 pointing back at you.
MANIPULATION/CONTROL: Know and understand that the only thing we control are our reactions and responses to what happens to us. Other than that people are going to shut down and shut off towards any type of control they are living with. May work in the short run however it is very unhealthy, abusive and disrespectful.
RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY: To know and fully understand each of us is charged with growing, learning and becoming the very best person we can be. We do not do this at the expense of someone else's life. We create the very best relationship with our self first before joining our life with someone else.
COMMUNICATION HABITS: How many people I hear from, who just wish they could be talked to nicer, more sincerely and more truthfully as to what lays deep inside. Learn more about what we call the "currency" of others so we can deliver. What do they need, want and expect from people when being verbally engaged.
RESPECTING NEEDS AND WANTS: Here are a couple of areas of personal importance which are as individual as our fingerprints. Know how to access them and deliver as needed. It can be a game changer to everyone's life.
WORK THINGS OUT AS OPPOSED TO ACTING THINGS OUT: This one is so important as it dovetails to the communication title above. Without a language of feelings to fully express what it is you expect, then what happens is we emotionally wear our feelings on our sleeves and act it out hoping the other person gets our message. Rise above this.
GIVE AWAY 100 TO GET 50: This is a Dr. Phil-ism: "When you have to give up 100% of who you are to become half of something else, isn't the price you are having to pay just way too high"? Think about what, who and how much you might have been expected to compromise to have a life of someone else's expectations. Readjust, refigure and re launch the life you were authentically designed to live.
I hope these have been a mind shift for you or someone you might know who can benefit from this information. Any further information you would like, I welcome you to take advantage of my free introductory call to see how coaching can work for you.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Is Herbal Medicine Effective For Depression?
By Dr. Tara Peyman
Saturday, June 27, 2009
When it comes to treating depression, anxiety, or other mood disorders, the best course of action is to address the underlying cause. You may just want to take a pill that covers up your symptoms. But if you prefer to get to the root of the problem and treat it naturally, there are many options that are safe, effective, and affordable. Botanical (herbal) medicine is ideal for anyone who wants a natural alternative to taking medications with harmful or unwanted side effects. There are a wide variety of medicinal plants, and we can prescribe these herbs to you as either capsules, liquid extracts, or teas.It is important to check with a naturopathic physician before beginning any new botanical prescription, because some herbs have strong medicinal properties, and may interact with other medications. There are also several different options regarding the strength and frequency of dosing medicinal herbs. By talking with a doctor who specializes in natural medicine and knows about not only how to prescribe botanical medicine, but also how to determine drug-herb interactions, you will be sure to get the best and safest results.Botanical medicine can be very effective for treating a variety of conditions, and may be used in combination with other therapies in order to restore health. Certain herbs can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety, such as:
St. John’s Wort (Hypericum)
Passion Flower (Passiflora)
Lemon Balm (Melissa)
Kava (Piper methisticum)
Siberian ginseng (Eleuthrococcus)
Many other herbs like St. John’s Wort can be helpful for symptoms of depression. This herb works by prolonging the time that serotonin is in the blood, thereby allowing serotonin to work longer. St. John’s Wort also slows down the reuptake of dopamine and GABA from the synaptic cleft. This can result in feelings of happiness, relaxation, and better energy. Passion Flower, Lemon Balm, and Kava are often helpful for anxiety, because they promote mental tranquility and reduce restlessness. These herbs can also be used to help with insomnia. Siberian ginseng can help to improve energy, promote better physical endurance, and also reduce the negative effects of stress. This type of ginseng is energizing, but somewhat less stimulating than some of the other types of ginseng available. Before you try any of these herbs, check with a naturopathic doctor to determine the ideal dose, or whether one herb or a combination of herbs would be best for your symptoms. Botanical medicine works well in combination with other natural therapies, and many of the best formulas for depression and anxiety contain both vitamins, amino acids, and herbs, for optimal mood support.
Tara Peyman, Naturopathic PhysicianFeel Like Yourself Again With Natural Medicinewww. DrTaraPeyman.com Tara Peyman is a licensed Naturopathic Doctor in the state of Arizona. Her expertise is treating depression and anxiety with natural medicine
Saturday, June 27, 2009
When it comes to treating depression, anxiety, or other mood disorders, the best course of action is to address the underlying cause. You may just want to take a pill that covers up your symptoms. But if you prefer to get to the root of the problem and treat it naturally, there are many options that are safe, effective, and affordable. Botanical (herbal) medicine is ideal for anyone who wants a natural alternative to taking medications with harmful or unwanted side effects. There are a wide variety of medicinal plants, and we can prescribe these herbs to you as either capsules, liquid extracts, or teas.It is important to check with a naturopathic physician before beginning any new botanical prescription, because some herbs have strong medicinal properties, and may interact with other medications. There are also several different options regarding the strength and frequency of dosing medicinal herbs. By talking with a doctor who specializes in natural medicine and knows about not only how to prescribe botanical medicine, but also how to determine drug-herb interactions, you will be sure to get the best and safest results.Botanical medicine can be very effective for treating a variety of conditions, and may be used in combination with other therapies in order to restore health. Certain herbs can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety, such as:
St. John’s Wort (Hypericum)
Passion Flower (Passiflora)
Lemon Balm (Melissa)
Kava (Piper methisticum)
Siberian ginseng (Eleuthrococcus)
Many other herbs like St. John’s Wort can be helpful for symptoms of depression. This herb works by prolonging the time that serotonin is in the blood, thereby allowing serotonin to work longer. St. John’s Wort also slows down the reuptake of dopamine and GABA from the synaptic cleft. This can result in feelings of happiness, relaxation, and better energy. Passion Flower, Lemon Balm, and Kava are often helpful for anxiety, because they promote mental tranquility and reduce restlessness. These herbs can also be used to help with insomnia. Siberian ginseng can help to improve energy, promote better physical endurance, and also reduce the negative effects of stress. This type of ginseng is energizing, but somewhat less stimulating than some of the other types of ginseng available. Before you try any of these herbs, check with a naturopathic doctor to determine the ideal dose, or whether one herb or a combination of herbs would be best for your symptoms. Botanical medicine works well in combination with other natural therapies, and many of the best formulas for depression and anxiety contain both vitamins, amino acids, and herbs, for optimal mood support.
Tara Peyman, Naturopathic PhysicianFeel Like Yourself Again With Natural Medicinewww. DrTaraPeyman.com Tara Peyman is a licensed Naturopathic Doctor in the state of Arizona. Her expertise is treating depression and anxiety with natural medicine
Saturday, June 27, 2009
What do You Know About Adrenal Fatigue?
Are you aware that you have stress glands to help you cope with all of life's problems? That is what our adrenal glands are referred to which help us handle all of what life throws at us. These glands are the size of a walnut which sit up on top of each kidney. We can suffer adrenal fatigue if our body has the inability to cope with everyday stressors. Every aspect of our life from injuries to relationship problems can be affected without the proper functioning of these glands.
As we list the different stressors being physical, emotional, environmental and psychological; they will all be responsible for giving folks a physiological malady. This fatigue is very real, as clients I have coached who have experienced this will tell you, it is so powerfully real and debilitating.
Dr. James A. Wilson's book, "Adrenal Fatigue" goes into great detail about this topic and is recommended highly. We will refer to some of his specific research.
Studies have shown that 90% of Doctor visits are the result of our inability to cope with stress effectively. Up to 80 % of Americans suffer from some form of diagnosed illness in the U.S., yet this remains one of the most preventable conditions.
This fatigue is generally triggered by some form of stress, be it mild, or severe. If your capacity to cope or recover is exceeded, some form of fatigue can occur. IF--there is any respiratory condition that exists prior to this fatigue, it will cause it to come on much quicker. Dr. Wilson goes on to say, "The highest contributor of this disease, are feelings of powerlessness, perfectionism, being a participant in a no win situation and also internal emotional stress".
People's lifestyles are determined to be the most important part of anyone's fatigue recovery program. This would be paramount in creating a foundation for change. Folks will need this change the most who are feeling trapped, helpless and ones who are victims of continuous difficulties. Many times the causes of adrenal fatigue are not obvious because the combined stressors looks so different.
All health drains which come from factors affecting our adrenals can be caused by: fear, caffeine, lack of good food, toxic people in dysfunctional relationships, chronic pain, lack of regular sleep, death of a loved one, negative attitudes, beliefs and many others too numerous to list. There are three choices immediately we can make. (1) You can change the situation, (2) change yourself to fit(adapt), (3) you can leave the situation.
Learn to identify the very "energy robbers" which are showing up in your daily life. Learn to start using your positive energy in a way to be honest and real about becoming aware of exactly what you need. Newly learned skills can begin to create a happy, healthy, balanced life you are so deserving of. There are many more bits of information with great ideas and exercises in Dr Wilson's book. I highly recommend you review this book if you have an interest in handling stress so it does not handle you with effects from adrenal fatigue.
As we list the different stressors being physical, emotional, environmental and psychological; they will all be responsible for giving folks a physiological malady. This fatigue is very real, as clients I have coached who have experienced this will tell you, it is so powerfully real and debilitating.
Dr. James A. Wilson's book, "Adrenal Fatigue" goes into great detail about this topic and is recommended highly. We will refer to some of his specific research.
Studies have shown that 90% of Doctor visits are the result of our inability to cope with stress effectively. Up to 80 % of Americans suffer from some form of diagnosed illness in the U.S., yet this remains one of the most preventable conditions.
This fatigue is generally triggered by some form of stress, be it mild, or severe. If your capacity to cope or recover is exceeded, some form of fatigue can occur. IF--there is any respiratory condition that exists prior to this fatigue, it will cause it to come on much quicker. Dr. Wilson goes on to say, "The highest contributor of this disease, are feelings of powerlessness, perfectionism, being a participant in a no win situation and also internal emotional stress".
People's lifestyles are determined to be the most important part of anyone's fatigue recovery program. This would be paramount in creating a foundation for change. Folks will need this change the most who are feeling trapped, helpless and ones who are victims of continuous difficulties. Many times the causes of adrenal fatigue are not obvious because the combined stressors looks so different.
All health drains which come from factors affecting our adrenals can be caused by: fear, caffeine, lack of good food, toxic people in dysfunctional relationships, chronic pain, lack of regular sleep, death of a loved one, negative attitudes, beliefs and many others too numerous to list. There are three choices immediately we can make. (1) You can change the situation, (2) change yourself to fit(adapt), (3) you can leave the situation.
Learn to identify the very "energy robbers" which are showing up in your daily life. Learn to start using your positive energy in a way to be honest and real about becoming aware of exactly what you need. Newly learned skills can begin to create a happy, healthy, balanced life you are so deserving of. There are many more bits of information with great ideas and exercises in Dr Wilson's book. I highly recommend you review this book if you have an interest in handling stress so it does not handle you with effects from adrenal fatigue.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Acceptance Vs Acknowledgement
Recently the topic of dealing with "unexpected happenstances" in our lives came up for discussion. Reference was made to how "good meaning" people will tell others what would work best for someone having a similiar experience. We all have the most honorable intentions for helping others however our recommendations can be based soley on the life experiences we previously have had.
In the stressful times we are going through presently, we can be bombarded with several situatons all at once or at real close intervals of time. What we all are not aware of is the next calamity which will come without warning. Each of us has a different method of coping with stress and traumatic events which when presented, take us to a new emotional high. When it happens to others, hopefully what we verbally share with them will be nurturing, effective, positive, helpful and supportive.
Currently being part of a grief support for the last 22 years I can only say that these interactions between people are not always warm and fuzzy. There is a phrase called, "untintentional ignorance" which best fits situations when we say things to people and they react negatively to it. They didn't mean to say that particular thing, however that is what they have learned over time. We will not realize it is the wrong thing until we get the necessary feedback to help educate us. Example: a young adult living with a brain tumor has a stroke and suddenly dies. Someone talking with the family may say something like," he is better off now so as to not have to struggle with his condition anymore or this is God's will". The person on the receiving end of these comments will get mad at both you and God however, will take it out directly on you for being the one present. Reason being that any time they have to still spend with their loved one is better than their dying. If we say, " we just have to accept this and move forward or go on", that might sound good to the sender but not to the receiver. Acknowledging the loss, yes, that is important however being accepting of the death might just take a little time to do that.
Unless you have experienced death, sudden death or some type of a traumatic loss, divorce etc, all of the ways we experience grief will be as different as our fingerprints for everyone. We usually can be real safe by giving hugs, saying, "there are no words, I am just really sorry to hear this" and then just ask for their guidance to help them through it. If we are mindful of these platitudes, as we so unconsciously express them, we will definitely have a better chance to not alienate the very people we are looking to help suppport. I know you might be saying, "gee Bob I would never hurt someone at a time like that". I do realize that and it would never be an outright intention. What the history of our grief group's contribution to this topic has been, says that there is an absolute need to educate the public about how to handle these situations with more awareness and consciousness.
Generally, we will never have had any formal training in expressing grief, just sharing with others what we have heard people say. I hope this might help in some small way the next time you encounter someone's grief with their loss.
In the stressful times we are going through presently, we can be bombarded with several situatons all at once or at real close intervals of time. What we all are not aware of is the next calamity which will come without warning. Each of us has a different method of coping with stress and traumatic events which when presented, take us to a new emotional high. When it happens to others, hopefully what we verbally share with them will be nurturing, effective, positive, helpful and supportive.
Currently being part of a grief support for the last 22 years I can only say that these interactions between people are not always warm and fuzzy. There is a phrase called, "untintentional ignorance" which best fits situations when we say things to people and they react negatively to it. They didn't mean to say that particular thing, however that is what they have learned over time. We will not realize it is the wrong thing until we get the necessary feedback to help educate us. Example: a young adult living with a brain tumor has a stroke and suddenly dies. Someone talking with the family may say something like," he is better off now so as to not have to struggle with his condition anymore or this is God's will". The person on the receiving end of these comments will get mad at both you and God however, will take it out directly on you for being the one present. Reason being that any time they have to still spend with their loved one is better than their dying. If we say, " we just have to accept this and move forward or go on", that might sound good to the sender but not to the receiver. Acknowledging the loss, yes, that is important however being accepting of the death might just take a little time to do that.
Unless you have experienced death, sudden death or some type of a traumatic loss, divorce etc, all of the ways we experience grief will be as different as our fingerprints for everyone. We usually can be real safe by giving hugs, saying, "there are no words, I am just really sorry to hear this" and then just ask for their guidance to help them through it. If we are mindful of these platitudes, as we so unconsciously express them, we will definitely have a better chance to not alienate the very people we are looking to help suppport. I know you might be saying, "gee Bob I would never hurt someone at a time like that". I do realize that and it would never be an outright intention. What the history of our grief group's contribution to this topic has been, says that there is an absolute need to educate the public about how to handle these situations with more awareness and consciousness.
Generally, we will never have had any formal training in expressing grief, just sharing with others what we have heard people say. I hope this might help in some small way the next time you encounter someone's grief with their loss.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
6 Ways Which Destroy Relationships
Why is that when we as human beings profess to care or be concerned about anyone else, will allow such negative actions, reactions and attitudes to enter into our world? Unfortunately, the very way we think and care about our own self has a way of infecting others. There are as many different ways we can create and bring about dissension in our lives. Specifically showcasing the following I can only hope, will generate some change of thinking and behaving if any of these are alive and unwell in your life.
(1) History Keeping: When someone is always dredging up the past and reciting old transgressions, this can quickly inject discontent and fuel some anger in a conversation. It is cruel to work so hard on memorizing the past of negative events and then to verbally beat someone up with it over and over again, as though they can go back in time and erase it. We learn from the past we do not "burn" someone with it continually.
(2) Blame Gaming: This one is right up there with verbal abuse in my opinion. Many situations are fueled by one's attempt to get a person feeling bad about choices they have made. More often than not, most people realize the ills of having made a choice which didn't work out so well. How in the world does dog piling on them more, help them to move forward and grow? Too often we will be blamed by others so much, as if there is a reward for doing so. Either verbally or physically pointing a finger at someone is never going to work out. If for the moment, it seems to be a good idea, just think of how you dislike it when that is done to you. No one enjoys being blamed or shamed about anything.
(3) Non forgiving: For way too long, having any unforgiving spirit will only harden peoples attitude towards you. If there is not an ounce of forgiveness in your soul, what chance will there be of you receiving any if that is important for you? None of us, I repeat, none of us have got the authority over an other's life to be so entrenched in being unforgiving. The Chinese Proverb says it best, "He who pursues revenge shall dig two graves, one for them self and one for the other person."
(4) Attacking: When we think of what this word conjures up in us, think of an attack dog OR being attacked by a robber, How does the person being attacked feel? If never having been in either situation we can never really feel what it is about. However, we all have a pretty good idea of what it would be like. Tell you what. If you want to do some attacking, attack the weeds in the yard, a large painting project or any other large task. Gently approach the soul, mind and spirit of another human being.
(5) Right Fighting: This one can appear to be self explanatory. A person who has to be right, act right or have the world go right (according to them), generally is filled up with one thing and that is "not enough". Their inner feeling of "not enoughness" produces conflict with other people in their life. They essentially have to take from others with this form of invasion, to feel okay. An attitude of right fighting and having the last word is most paramount to filling a void in one who cannot be filled. It screams very loudly that their own sense of self esteem, personal power and self worth is that far off the road and in the ditch. Learn to fill your own cup, continually overflowing so you will, be, can, do and will always have enough.
(6) Manipulating: This one has such a control issue attached to it, which when utilized, is symbolically murdering the spirit of another human being. Sounds hard I know. People who think they are in control of everything are in control of nothing. To manipulate is to take the very control of someone else's life. Yes--they are giving you that control and at some point will take it back. In the meantime, what they are signing on for is a form of brain washing. By not being a responsible person, the manipulator will make the other person responsible for them. The sad thing is manipulators will never be pleased enough by someone else. YOU will generally be criticized for not doing things right. Manipulators can be quite pronounced and visible in their tactics, but most often they are very devious, subtle and conniving. Eventually, people will get fed up, used up and will want out at all costs.
I hope by just shining a bright light on these will help put into perspective what doesn't work and will never be effective in any relationship. Now is the time to put a stop order in place and say no more. Begin to stand for what is pure, good, healthy, positive, productive and forthright.
(1) History Keeping: When someone is always dredging up the past and reciting old transgressions, this can quickly inject discontent and fuel some anger in a conversation. It is cruel to work so hard on memorizing the past of negative events and then to verbally beat someone up with it over and over again, as though they can go back in time and erase it. We learn from the past we do not "burn" someone with it continually.
(2) Blame Gaming: This one is right up there with verbal abuse in my opinion. Many situations are fueled by one's attempt to get a person feeling bad about choices they have made. More often than not, most people realize the ills of having made a choice which didn't work out so well. How in the world does dog piling on them more, help them to move forward and grow? Too often we will be blamed by others so much, as if there is a reward for doing so. Either verbally or physically pointing a finger at someone is never going to work out. If for the moment, it seems to be a good idea, just think of how you dislike it when that is done to you. No one enjoys being blamed or shamed about anything.
(3) Non forgiving: For way too long, having any unforgiving spirit will only harden peoples attitude towards you. If there is not an ounce of forgiveness in your soul, what chance will there be of you receiving any if that is important for you? None of us, I repeat, none of us have got the authority over an other's life to be so entrenched in being unforgiving. The Chinese Proverb says it best, "He who pursues revenge shall dig two graves, one for them self and one for the other person."
(4) Attacking: When we think of what this word conjures up in us, think of an attack dog OR being attacked by a robber, How does the person being attacked feel? If never having been in either situation we can never really feel what it is about. However, we all have a pretty good idea of what it would be like. Tell you what. If you want to do some attacking, attack the weeds in the yard, a large painting project or any other large task. Gently approach the soul, mind and spirit of another human being.
(5) Right Fighting: This one can appear to be self explanatory. A person who has to be right, act right or have the world go right (according to them), generally is filled up with one thing and that is "not enough". Their inner feeling of "not enoughness" produces conflict with other people in their life. They essentially have to take from others with this form of invasion, to feel okay. An attitude of right fighting and having the last word is most paramount to filling a void in one who cannot be filled. It screams very loudly that their own sense of self esteem, personal power and self worth is that far off the road and in the ditch. Learn to fill your own cup, continually overflowing so you will, be, can, do and will always have enough.
(6) Manipulating: This one has such a control issue attached to it, which when utilized, is symbolically murdering the spirit of another human being. Sounds hard I know. People who think they are in control of everything are in control of nothing. To manipulate is to take the very control of someone else's life. Yes--they are giving you that control and at some point will take it back. In the meantime, what they are signing on for is a form of brain washing. By not being a responsible person, the manipulator will make the other person responsible for them. The sad thing is manipulators will never be pleased enough by someone else. YOU will generally be criticized for not doing things right. Manipulators can be quite pronounced and visible in their tactics, but most often they are very devious, subtle and conniving. Eventually, people will get fed up, used up and will want out at all costs.
I hope by just shining a bright light on these will help put into perspective what doesn't work and will never be effective in any relationship. Now is the time to put a stop order in place and say no more. Begin to stand for what is pure, good, healthy, positive, productive and forthright.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Self Talk Follow up--What Do We Do With This?
In regards to the previous lettergram I sent out on "Self Talk", I have had a number of requests to go further with this topic. Primarily this has to do with more of the "How To" when we talk to our self so we will keep this light and airy. Oh-before going any further I need to make a correction about a reference to an author's name in my last mailing. Terry Cole-Whittaker is the author of "What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business", not Elizabeth Kirpatrick.
So much of our day to day interactions with others can be divided into two categories; contamination and contribution. When inner conflict shows up as outer turmoil, the result is generally contamination between people. Ill feelings obviously happen and then a falling out takes place. Thoughts we have which we can label "toxic" are going to adversely affect the relationship we have with others.
So how do we make sure we are contributing to our own mental well-being, when extended to others will form healthier unions? Let's recognize that there are different levels of thinking which create more effective styles of communicating. If more of our thoughts are negatively charged, much of what we, as well as others will hear us make statements like, "I can't-don't, I wish, could, should and if only. These are extremely self limiting and self defeating. No One deserves a plan which is geared for failure.
The next form of destructive self talk involves watered down self intentions for "wanting" to be different, however it just doesn't happen. Hearing words such as "could have, would have, should have" will more often show some intent but not very deliberate convictions. We must be more diligent of what we hear and what others hear us say.
What we all want is a solid plan for success and being totally committed to a healthier process of communicating. We will create this by listening to what we are "thinking" about and then speaking it. We continue to contribute to everyone concerned by paying strict attention to our thoughts.
Now we knock the "T's" out of can't, won't and don't. We will speak in terms of can, will and do! We become more action oriented about being committed to change. Just with this minor shift in our behavioral thinking will begin to program our mind and attitude toward more positive expressions. Your brains' conscious and subconscious wiring only knows what you teach it. These proactive methods of thinking will begin shifting your conscious awareness, taking you in the direction you want to go, becoming the person you want to be to others and yourself.
I hope this has shed some light on ways we can daily begin elevating the lives of all concerned.
Thank you again for all the support.
So much of our day to day interactions with others can be divided into two categories; contamination and contribution. When inner conflict shows up as outer turmoil, the result is generally contamination between people. Ill feelings obviously happen and then a falling out takes place. Thoughts we have which we can label "toxic" are going to adversely affect the relationship we have with others.
So how do we make sure we are contributing to our own mental well-being, when extended to others will form healthier unions? Let's recognize that there are different levels of thinking which create more effective styles of communicating. If more of our thoughts are negatively charged, much of what we, as well as others will hear us make statements like, "I can't-don't, I wish, could, should and if only. These are extremely self limiting and self defeating. No One deserves a plan which is geared for failure.
The next form of destructive self talk involves watered down self intentions for "wanting" to be different, however it just doesn't happen. Hearing words such as "could have, would have, should have" will more often show some intent but not very deliberate convictions. We must be more diligent of what we hear and what others hear us say.
What we all want is a solid plan for success and being totally committed to a healthier process of communicating. We will create this by listening to what we are "thinking" about and then speaking it. We continue to contribute to everyone concerned by paying strict attention to our thoughts.
Now we knock the "T's" out of can't, won't and don't. We will speak in terms of can, will and do! We become more action oriented about being committed to change. Just with this minor shift in our behavioral thinking will begin to program our mind and attitude toward more positive expressions. Your brains' conscious and subconscious wiring only knows what you teach it. These proactive methods of thinking will begin shifting your conscious awareness, taking you in the direction you want to go, becoming the person you want to be to others and yourself.
I hope this has shed some light on ways we can daily begin elevating the lives of all concerned.
Thank you again for all the support.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
How Important is Self Talk?
We all have certain thoughts and "perceptions" about what our truths are. When you look at these, ask yourself if they both are accurate and on point? OR have they both just become your reality over time?
Too many times we will repeat to ourself, things we have heard people say to us or what we say to self after making a decision which didn't go very well. Somehow we just dogpile on our own psyche and bombard it with gross negativity.
Because we as humans will have over 50,000 thoughts daily, we had better become more effective gate keepers about what we are storing in the most magnificient computer ever created-the one we call our brain. Isn't it just sort of miraculous how two people can look at exactly the same thing and see something totally different? Learn to listen attentively to people who have different opinions of you yet always be searching for truth. Ask any law enforcement officer about eyewitnesses to an accident to check this out.
What we hold as our truths about ourselves, others and life, needs to be challenged on a regular basis. When it comes to our opinion of others, many times we may act too impulsively before realizing that we do not have to change friends rather understand that friends change.
One of my favorite sayings from Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I add the word "people" to that because we all can get too judgemental about others.
We are always busy subconsciously, saying things to ourselves, mostly about us, which is negativly impacting our self esteem, self worth and self confidence. Whether we realize it or not it is generally chipping away at what we call our personal power. Become kinder and more gentle with yourself no matter what the situation, because your subconscious is constantly at work, storing all of your thoughts as you think them.
By managing our thoughts effectively, be ready to challenge what you hear yourself or someone else say. No matter how long or many times you have heard something, there is just as much possibility of it being wrong as opposed to being correct. Either way, a change of venue needs to happen. Always protect and enhance your self esteem as to what you think about you is most important. Just as Elizabeth Kirpatrick wrote of her book title, "What You Think of Me is None of My Business", this needs to become our mantra. Amen- period, end of story.!!!!
No matter who, what, where, when, or why, whatever situations and no matter the consequences, those who are the most honest with themselves will be the ones to travel farthest in life and will prevail.
Our self talk is all about self control. Starting today, no matter where we came from, what we have done or said-whatever our circumstances have dictated to us-we now are charged with who we become. That is our main responsibility. Take a shower of positive energy and ask yourself:
Too many times we will repeat to ourself, things we have heard people say to us or what we say to self after making a decision which didn't go very well. Somehow we just dogpile on our own psyche and bombard it with gross negativity.
Because we as humans will have over 50,000 thoughts daily, we had better become more effective gate keepers about what we are storing in the most magnificient computer ever created-the one we call our brain. Isn't it just sort of miraculous how two people can look at exactly the same thing and see something totally different? Learn to listen attentively to people who have different opinions of you yet always be searching for truth. Ask any law enforcement officer about eyewitnesses to an accident to check this out.
What we hold as our truths about ourselves, others and life, needs to be challenged on a regular basis. When it comes to our opinion of others, many times we may act too impulsively before realizing that we do not have to change friends rather understand that friends change.
One of my favorite sayings from Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I add the word "people" to that because we all can get too judgemental about others.
We are always busy subconsciously, saying things to ourselves, mostly about us, which is negativly impacting our self esteem, self worth and self confidence. Whether we realize it or not it is generally chipping away at what we call our personal power. Become kinder and more gentle with yourself no matter what the situation, because your subconscious is constantly at work, storing all of your thoughts as you think them.
By managing our thoughts effectively, be ready to challenge what you hear yourself or someone else say. No matter how long or many times you have heard something, there is just as much possibility of it being wrong as opposed to being correct. Either way, a change of venue needs to happen. Always protect and enhance your self esteem as to what you think about you is most important. Just as Elizabeth Kirpatrick wrote of her book title, "What You Think of Me is None of My Business", this needs to become our mantra. Amen- period, end of story.!!!!
No matter who, what, where, when, or why, whatever situations and no matter the consequences, those who are the most honest with themselves will be the ones to travel farthest in life and will prevail.
Our self talk is all about self control. Starting today, no matter where we came from, what we have done or said-whatever our circumstances have dictated to us-we now are charged with who we become. That is our main responsibility. Take a shower of positive energy and ask yourself:
- Who am I?
- What do I care about?
- What makes me me?
- What have I accomplished?
- How do I discipline myself positively?
- What am I good at?
- What makes me happy?
Lastly, there are two great sayings I believe are at the base of what we are talking about here--Marcus Aurelius said,"Our life is what our thoughts make it." Finally, Cardinal Neuman said, "We can believe what we choose. We are answerable for what we choose to believe".
Thank you always for your continued support and have a great day!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Where Are The Leaders???
We hear this word used to describe ones in advisory capacities and positions, however how do they measure up in their leadership abilities? Are leaders born or are they made? Everyone has a different take on that I am sure but one thing we all can agree on is that we all would require our leaders to possess certain qualities and attributes to command our respect, support and dedication.
Whether this is a national, state, county, civic, business or even a family issue, a leader has a responsibility to the very people they are in charge of. What do you require of a person you would consider to be a leader worth following? Have you ever thought of what a leader in your life needs to stand for? Can we agree that the very person we tap as a leader will have the innate ability to empower others to stand tall and large, especially when it comes to fully and freely expressing wants, needs, expectations, frustrations and concerns?
This all has to do with the image one presents of themself to others. Their very own values are speaking for them daily, communicating to everyone they meet by their actions observed. I also think we would prefer a leader to be quite accesssible: a good comparative analogy would be a wagonwheel with our leader being the hub supporting us, the spokes of the wheel. This promotes an open pathway of both communication and support for all concerned.
In regards to the topic of communicating, Admiral Rickover of the U. S. Navy said it best, "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people."Good solid leaders are generally vested in their people. Once again, empowering others in the successful development of each ones's potential always benefits everyone and the whole organization. Some of the qualities that go into developing a "LEADER" can be as follows: Listens attentively--Empathetic approach to others--Attitude of being healthy and positive--Disciplined constructively--Enthusiasm displayed genuinely with all--Respectful of all's views and positions. Many people come and go in leadership positions however I would hope we all would be and become proactive when it comes to expressing what works best for all of us. Everyone knows how to get the job done and with a realistic timeline, coupled with good direction, the job will generally go quite smoothly.
Leaders--we ask that the art of commanding be utilized not being demanding.posted by Bob Riley @ 12:41 PM 0 Comments
Posted by Bob Riley at 1:59 PM
Whether this is a national, state, county, civic, business or even a family issue, a leader has a responsibility to the very people they are in charge of. What do you require of a person you would consider to be a leader worth following? Have you ever thought of what a leader in your life needs to stand for? Can we agree that the very person we tap as a leader will have the innate ability to empower others to stand tall and large, especially when it comes to fully and freely expressing wants, needs, expectations, frustrations and concerns?
This all has to do with the image one presents of themself to others. Their very own values are speaking for them daily, communicating to everyone they meet by their actions observed. I also think we would prefer a leader to be quite accesssible: a good comparative analogy would be a wagonwheel with our leader being the hub supporting us, the spokes of the wheel. This promotes an open pathway of both communication and support for all concerned.
In regards to the topic of communicating, Admiral Rickover of the U. S. Navy said it best, "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people."Good solid leaders are generally vested in their people. Once again, empowering others in the successful development of each ones's potential always benefits everyone and the whole organization. Some of the qualities that go into developing a "LEADER" can be as follows: Listens attentively--Empathetic approach to others--Attitude of being healthy and positive--Disciplined constructively--Enthusiasm displayed genuinely with all--Respectful of all's views and positions. Many people come and go in leadership positions however I would hope we all would be and become proactive when it comes to expressing what works best for all of us. Everyone knows how to get the job done and with a realistic timeline, coupled with good direction, the job will generally go quite smoothly.
Leaders--we ask that the art of commanding be utilized not being demanding.posted by Bob Riley @ 12:41 PM 0 Comments
Posted by Bob Riley at 1:59 PM
Mars and Venus Continuing On
Because Mars and Venus are are so different, as John Gray continues to instruct us, their communication styles also have marked differences. For instance: If a woman may complain about her life, immediately the man feels the need to offer her a solution. (As if she isn't able to figure it out on her own.) However, that is what men do is fix things. When she says,"I just don't have time or enough help to get things done at work." Once again, men will tell her to slow down, don't try to do so much and get some people to help.
To men, that makes sense-to women that is so far off base. Instead, say to her, "you are such a hard worker and always give your best. Can I give you a hug?" Now, you may tell her that she worries too much and works way too hard. "Let's just forget it and just go out". No-she will not and is unable to just forget it.
Right now, men just need to listen to all that is being said, give an offer to help or ask if there is anything you can do? A woman needs to be heard and once that is done and she has processed her feelings, she will feel much better. Just refrain from fixing any problem. Offering up some explanation for why things are will most likely be met with silence or resistance.
Just stay neutral, validate what and how it must be affecting her without doing any fixing. Ask if there is something you can do to help her. This is rather confusing, however with a little bit of work, we men can learn the rhythm of communicating on Venus.
Next time, John Gray will show us what men are thinking and saying. Until then.....................
To men, that makes sense-to women that is so far off base. Instead, say to her, "you are such a hard worker and always give your best. Can I give you a hug?" Now, you may tell her that she worries too much and works way too hard. "Let's just forget it and just go out". No-she will not and is unable to just forget it.
Right now, men just need to listen to all that is being said, give an offer to help or ask if there is anything you can do? A woman needs to be heard and once that is done and she has processed her feelings, she will feel much better. Just refrain from fixing any problem. Offering up some explanation for why things are will most likely be met with silence or resistance.
Just stay neutral, validate what and how it must be affecting her without doing any fixing. Ask if there is something you can do to help her. This is rather confusing, however with a little bit of work, we men can learn the rhythm of communicating on Venus.
Next time, John Gray will show us what men are thinking and saying. Until then.....................
Mars Mistakenly Communicating To Venus
When guys are not aware of their words or actions, they send large messages to women. When initially getting to know a woman, men can go on and on about either themself or about life theories they embrace.Women want men to be attracted to them for who they are and to demonstrate an obvious interest in her. Men need to understand that their knowledge about life etc, doesn't create an automatic attraction interest of him in her. THIS is a definite turn off. Being in conversation with a woman, when they display negative feelings about a situation or a person, this does not mean she is "hard to please."
We share equally with one another ALL sides of us because that is what forms the bond of a relationship. Men-take the focus off what you want and you will begin to see her in a dilfferent light. Never cease to extend compliments to a woman. A continuous flow of them, no matter how long you have been together, will always indicate your appreciation and interest in her. This helps to fuel the attraction she will have toward you.
Never become complacent about a relationship thinking you can live off the interest of your initial emotional deposit of having won her love and think you can now coast along, assuming she knows that you care. Always be in tune with what she is interested in while displaying your interest in her, That will heighten the attraction you will both have for one another, while strengthening the relationship, as you grow together.
In the last part of this series we will see how vitally important it is on both planets when it comes to making apologies.------------ Be well!!!
We share equally with one another ALL sides of us because that is what forms the bond of a relationship. Men-take the focus off what you want and you will begin to see her in a dilfferent light. Never cease to extend compliments to a woman. A continuous flow of them, no matter how long you have been together, will always indicate your appreciation and interest in her. This helps to fuel the attraction she will have toward you.
Never become complacent about a relationship thinking you can live off the interest of your initial emotional deposit of having won her love and think you can now coast along, assuming she knows that you care. Always be in tune with what she is interested in while displaying your interest in her, That will heighten the attraction you will both have for one another, while strengthening the relationship, as you grow together.
In the last part of this series we will see how vitally important it is on both planets when it comes to making apologies.------------ Be well!!!
10 Things Kids Need To Give Them Hope
To be instilling a sense of optimism and feeling positive about themselves and others, we as adults need to concentrate on providing hope to youngsters. Let's look at what we can proactively do everyday.
First: Let's create healthy self esteem and competence in young ones. We do that by developing a confident sense of self.
Second: We need to affirm cultural competence and we help them by being proud of their heritage.
Third: Let's help children identify and express feelings they have which will help them understand themselves and others better.
Fourth: Let's role model what empathy is so they can learn what others are feeling.
Fifth: Let's demonstrate what perseverance is so we can show them what not giving up means.
Sixth: We need to role model responsibility which will show children what needs to be done, how to do it and how to complete it.
Seventh: Showing children the cause and effect of choices made will teach them how to associate the effects of certain actions.
Eighth: Teach them the technique of reframing which helps them look at problems differently and with a much more positive attitude.
Ninth: This is critical-problem solving, which done in the right way will teach them throughout their life to find once again, positive solutions to whatever problems they encounter.
Tenth: This need not be surprising, optimism and hope. Providing hope through their life will help to keep happiness in their life. There is an acronym for hope which is: Hold On Possibilities Exist!
Advocating for children is something I believe we are all charged with and if done with the correct mindset in place, children will have such a better shot at a more well rounded future and well balanced, happy life.
First: Let's create healthy self esteem and competence in young ones. We do that by developing a confident sense of self.
Second: We need to affirm cultural competence and we help them by being proud of their heritage.
Third: Let's help children identify and express feelings they have which will help them understand themselves and others better.
Fourth: Let's role model what empathy is so they can learn what others are feeling.
Fifth: Let's demonstrate what perseverance is so we can show them what not giving up means.
Sixth: We need to role model responsibility which will show children what needs to be done, how to do it and how to complete it.
Seventh: Showing children the cause and effect of choices made will teach them how to associate the effects of certain actions.
Eighth: Teach them the technique of reframing which helps them look at problems differently and with a much more positive attitude.
Ninth: This is critical-problem solving, which done in the right way will teach them throughout their life to find once again, positive solutions to whatever problems they encounter.
Tenth: This need not be surprising, optimism and hope. Providing hope through their life will help to keep happiness in their life. There is an acronym for hope which is: Hold On Possibilities Exist!
Advocating for children is something I believe we are all charged with and if done with the correct mindset in place, children will have such a better shot at a more well rounded future and well balanced, happy life.
Let's Choose Happiness
Recently I saw a publication that one of my readers recently sent my way titled, "You Can Choose to Be Happy" by Tom Stevens. The title had reminded me of a book I had read years ago name "What Happy People Know" by Dr. Dan Baker. Yes I do enjoy filling myself up with as much of the positive minded attitudes I can find. Dr. Baker had said that there are as many as 54,000+ articles written on depression, anger, negativity etc however only a few hundred about positivity, happiness and the like.Ever wonder why we are being bombarded with TV commercials pushing medicines to quell these conditions?
Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long.
What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered. I believe that by understaanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minuite or two to sink in.
A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others. By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!! Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities.With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return.
So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo.
Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.
Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long.
What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered. I believe that by understaanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minuite or two to sink in.
A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others. By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!! Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities.With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return.
So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo.
Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.
Let's Create Some Space In Our Life
Sometimes we are going so fast that we do not either slow down, or stop all together to take an in depth look at what we need for our own self. Some of us have been programmed to the point where we are the perpetual caregivers to the entire universe. If you think about it, doing that is no gift at all to us, or to others, who are being taught to always turn to us for help or rescue.
At some point, we are going to come to the realization that this is just not working for us anymore. Look at the word "selfish". As young children, we were taught not to be this way, yours truly included. however, in the world of coaching, we will tell you to first make two words out of one: "self-ish". We give to each one of us the permission, to have the utmost care and regard for our own self development. As we relate this to our family, friends, job/work associates-we must always be aware that taking care of "self" is job one. The process of doing that is the "ish" part. It is ALL about taking care of self.
Now that we have defined it, why don't we look at some of the ways we can implement the "how" factor.? First, let's begin to unclutter your life. Where can we begin cleaning and clearing out a space to fit new ways of "being and doing" into your daily plan? As a result of the being and doing you will eventually get to the "having" part. Next, clear your calendar-learn to say no. This is self explanatory and easier said than done-I get it. I'm not saying you have to do it, just that it is necessary you begin it. Then, keep your free time "FREE". Only you make that happen or not.
Take time to meditate. Listen to the rhythm of your soul's consciousness. Take time for this. How about, return to the simplicity of nature? This one I have been taught by my clients. It works. Be careful of the critical people in your life. I have mentioned this before about developing the mindset of the book title,"What you think of me is none of my business". Crude? Not really. We are not running a popularity contest nor are we seeking the approval of others. If you are please call me immediately!! Take time for your health. Once you lose this or compromise it is difficult to get it back. Let this be a daily focus. Slow down-there's more to life than making it go faster. Make each day a day to reflect back on. DEBT-Do what you can to remove it from your life.
Once again--I'm not saying you have to do this OR any of the above, I just believe it is necessary to consider these to dial down the very stress these can be creating in you. Last of all, focus on you. Ideally it needed to be the first one we talked about however, I wanted this to be the last one you thought about the most. You-You-You! You are important. Remember--SELF -- Ish?Two thoughts I will leave you with; "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything".
Last but definitely not least, "Live simply, love generously and care deeply". Something I am sure I saw in a store on a plaque somewhere. It makes sense!!!! Thanks always for your time, interest and support. I am truly grateful."BE" a great day!!!
At some point, we are going to come to the realization that this is just not working for us anymore. Look at the word "selfish". As young children, we were taught not to be this way, yours truly included. however, in the world of coaching, we will tell you to first make two words out of one: "self-ish". We give to each one of us the permission, to have the utmost care and regard for our own self development. As we relate this to our family, friends, job/work associates-we must always be aware that taking care of "self" is job one. The process of doing that is the "ish" part. It is ALL about taking care of self.
Now that we have defined it, why don't we look at some of the ways we can implement the "how" factor.? First, let's begin to unclutter your life. Where can we begin cleaning and clearing out a space to fit new ways of "being and doing" into your daily plan? As a result of the being and doing you will eventually get to the "having" part. Next, clear your calendar-learn to say no. This is self explanatory and easier said than done-I get it. I'm not saying you have to do it, just that it is necessary you begin it. Then, keep your free time "FREE". Only you make that happen or not.
Take time to meditate. Listen to the rhythm of your soul's consciousness. Take time for this. How about, return to the simplicity of nature? This one I have been taught by my clients. It works. Be careful of the critical people in your life. I have mentioned this before about developing the mindset of the book title,"What you think of me is none of my business". Crude? Not really. We are not running a popularity contest nor are we seeking the approval of others. If you are please call me immediately!! Take time for your health. Once you lose this or compromise it is difficult to get it back. Let this be a daily focus. Slow down-there's more to life than making it go faster. Make each day a day to reflect back on. DEBT-Do what you can to remove it from your life.
Once again--I'm not saying you have to do this OR any of the above, I just believe it is necessary to consider these to dial down the very stress these can be creating in you. Last of all, focus on you. Ideally it needed to be the first one we talked about however, I wanted this to be the last one you thought about the most. You-You-You! You are important. Remember--SELF -- Ish?Two thoughts I will leave you with; "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything".
Last but definitely not least, "Live simply, love generously and care deeply". Something I am sure I saw in a store on a plaque somewhere. It makes sense!!!! Thanks always for your time, interest and support. I am truly grateful."BE" a great day!!!
Follow Up On Boundaries
Boundaries are as necessary to our body as fuel is to any engine. So many people say they are living their lives when indeed they are just existing in their life. Whenever we do not feel the worth of our own selves, demonstrated by not being able to say what we want, or do what we want, it is as if we have given control of our lives over to just about anybody else on the planet.To feel muzzled, gagged, tied up in a knot by someone else's standards or demands, is not living a full functioning life.
We, as individuals, must realize this is no dress rehearsal, as we turn each page of our daily life. We are responsible for what we do and who we are becoming. Setting boundaries is one of the primary tools and the fuel we need for designing the life we really want to live.Two of the main reasons we set boundaries are to first protect ourselves and/or anyone else we are in charge of (physically, verbally, spiritually, socially and psychologically). Secondly, when we state what we want, what we expect, what we will and will not tolerate, we stay out of the other person's head, as to how and what they are going think of us. We will be free to state our wants, needs expectations and tolerations.
Our life must belong to us or we turn over the helm of our ship to just about anybody who will take it. We deserve better than that and a Coach will help you define your boundaries and show you how to implement them immediately.
As your Coach, I care about you and how you can free yourself from the chaos of these age old, self imposed restrictions and bondages. IMMEDIATELY--when you realize that someone is crossing the line, especially verbally, say to yourself in your head first, "I will not take your guilt".
Now that you are warmed up, let those words roll right off your lips. It is very empowering. If unable, then just say it to yourself mentally until you can express it. Picture a hula hoop and 50 feet of garden hose in a circle. Those represent your boundaries. Without any verbal responses to people, they can get real close to you. Hence the hula hoop. Not much room to move around in. However when you begin to address these remarks and verbal attacks, letting others know what you will tolerate and won't tolerate will put them on notice that change is coming about and it is all "about" you. NOW you step out of the hula hoop and step into the 50 feet of garden hose. Much more room to operate in as people will only get as close to you that you let them. Give this a run around the block a couple of times and see if you have success with it.
I am not saying this is easy to do nor that you have to. I am saying that it is necessary for your own survival and quality of life. I am also saying that as long as you allow these situations to continue, you can expect more of the same.So-unless and until you decide what you want in your life, just expect the same old stuff to continue.
EVERYONE is allowed to establish boundaries between ourselves(what we accept from ourself and what we won't), others and situations. When it becomes difficult and you loose your way, then it is time to call the Coach. I wish you Godspeed with this, as we can always disuss this at length by taking advantage of my free offer of 30 minutes of free coaching. Thanks again for your time!!
posted by Bob Riley @ 10:53 PM 0 Comments
We, as individuals, must realize this is no dress rehearsal, as we turn each page of our daily life. We are responsible for what we do and who we are becoming. Setting boundaries is one of the primary tools and the fuel we need for designing the life we really want to live.Two of the main reasons we set boundaries are to first protect ourselves and/or anyone else we are in charge of (physically, verbally, spiritually, socially and psychologically). Secondly, when we state what we want, what we expect, what we will and will not tolerate, we stay out of the other person's head, as to how and what they are going think of us. We will be free to state our wants, needs expectations and tolerations.
Our life must belong to us or we turn over the helm of our ship to just about anybody who will take it. We deserve better than that and a Coach will help you define your boundaries and show you how to implement them immediately.
As your Coach, I care about you and how you can free yourself from the chaos of these age old, self imposed restrictions and bondages. IMMEDIATELY--when you realize that someone is crossing the line, especially verbally, say to yourself in your head first, "I will not take your guilt".
Now that you are warmed up, let those words roll right off your lips. It is very empowering. If unable, then just say it to yourself mentally until you can express it. Picture a hula hoop and 50 feet of garden hose in a circle. Those represent your boundaries. Without any verbal responses to people, they can get real close to you. Hence the hula hoop. Not much room to move around in. However when you begin to address these remarks and verbal attacks, letting others know what you will tolerate and won't tolerate will put them on notice that change is coming about and it is all "about" you. NOW you step out of the hula hoop and step into the 50 feet of garden hose. Much more room to operate in as people will only get as close to you that you let them. Give this a run around the block a couple of times and see if you have success with it.
I am not saying this is easy to do nor that you have to. I am saying that it is necessary for your own survival and quality of life. I am also saying that as long as you allow these situations to continue, you can expect more of the same.So-unless and until you decide what you want in your life, just expect the same old stuff to continue.
EVERYONE is allowed to establish boundaries between ourselves(what we accept from ourself and what we won't), others and situations. When it becomes difficult and you loose your way, then it is time to call the Coach. I wish you Godspeed with this, as we can always disuss this at length by taking advantage of my free offer of 30 minutes of free coaching. Thanks again for your time!!
posted by Bob Riley @ 10:53 PM 0 Comments
Monday, March 16, 2009
How To Enhance Your Career or Profession
I have had a number of conversations with career counselors and advisors of folks seeking career moves. One of the common grounds we seem to agree on is that there are a percentage of people who hold jobs they seem to be less than satisfied with. On the other hand, there are employers who are tolerating workers just to keep a position filled. In each case scenario, a prospective employer will be looking really careful as to who they have in their employ. Are there folks who just may be going along to get along? Will they do today what they did yesterday because they have gotten very lax and complacent in their routine? If someone came along to demonstrate quite a bit more enthusiasm or interest in this certain position, wouldn't a employer be inclined to look at you differently? Just the fact that if the right person came along to fill that position, all of a sudden somone is unexpectedly looking for a job. Taking a hard look at what we are doing and who we are becoming, I believe, is most important to continue helping us to remain most "attractive". Two distinct qualities which will help you with that is to have a very positive attitude while greeting everyone with a smile. It is said that will give you "face value". Think about how you feel when you are greeted by someone who knows how to effectively display both of these qualities. When answering a telephone, make sure you have your smile on before you start talking. A positive attitude without a doubt helps you to stay out of conflict with your supervisors, customers and fellow workers. By displaying a negative disposition and adversarial reactions will surely undermine your chances for job longevity and chances for advancement. There is an expression, "Who you are speaks so loud I cannot hear what you are saying". Absolutely speaks volumes of who we are and sometimes we just don't have to open our mouth for people to know that about us. No matter what you do for a living, if you are being paid a check then somehow you are providing a service. Look at the word--S_E_R_V_I_C_E--make two words out of it. SERV / ICE--Do you really "serv" or is there "ice" in your disposition, mannerisms and verbal reactions? Ask trusted associates for thier feedback if this is of interest to you for determining truth about you. We constantly need to keep drilling down to our core truth for proper and total self development. Know yourself to teach others about you personally, get into relationship with yourself first before extending outward to others, while engaging everyone you meet with a smile. When you decide exactly what you want, you will create the necessary steps to get there. If the job/career you have is not the one you want, do not let someone take it from you because you my not have been aware of some of this information. It makes most sense to make a choice to be proactive about things than having to be reactive. Remember--with any place of employment the 85/15 rule: 15% of what you know gets you in the door however the 85% of who you are and what you are about is what keeps you there!!!! Have a great day and best of luck to you!!
How We Can Be Happy
Recently I saw a publication that one of my readers recently sent my way titled, "You Can Choose to Be Happy" by Tom Stevens. The title had reminded me of a book I had read years ago name "What Happy People Know" by Dr. Dan Baker. Yes I do enjoy filling myself up with as much of the positive minded attitudes I can find. Dr. Baker had said that there are as many as 54,000+ articles written on depression, anger, negativity etc however only a few hundred about positivity, happiness and the like.
Ever wonder why we are being bombarded with tv commercials pushing medicines to quell these conditions? Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long. What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered.
I believe that by understanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minute or two to sink in. A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others.
By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!!
Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities. With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return. So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.
We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo. Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.
Ever wonder why we are being bombarded with tv commercials pushing medicines to quell these conditions? Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long. What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered.
I believe that by understanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minute or two to sink in. A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others.
By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!!
Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities. With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return. So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.
We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo. Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.
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