Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Never disapprove of who a child is, disapprove of what they do.
Seek first to understand so you can be clearly understood.
Never punish, that is counterproductive--use healthy discipline
which teaches new ways of thinking. REMEMBER: Positive
discipline looks for solutions, punishment looks for blame.
Always be looking for ways to give praise--children respond so well to it.
Instruct them as to "what" you want, not what you "don't" want.
Know how children develop.
Adults must maintain self control: The biggest reason for low self
esteem in children is lack of self control in adults.
Build healthy relationships with your children.
I know there are no absolutes for how to positively impact each child, however, the more we learn about proper child development the more fun we can have along the way. I hope these
strategies will be helpful and remember to give yourself an "adult time out" to get centered, as you are doing without a doubt one of the hardest, most difficult, thankless jobs out there.
Monday, February 11, 2008
1. Know and understand what your core beliefs are.
2. Tell yourself "First" the absolute unvarnished truth.
3. Start living your authentic life.
4. Have healthy self messages of "I".
5. Develop a high level sense of self worth.
6. Become a role model for others to follow.
7. Get in touch with your feelings.
8. Set very definitive and non-moveable boundaries.
9. Be a great listener while you communicate effectively.
10. Either restore, have, or keep your integrity while you role model that for others.
If your life is out of sync in any of these areas, this would serve as a mirror to hold up, to become a reflection of work needing to accomplish.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
So many times our own actions, reactions, words and gestures will create the very hardships our relationships will experience. We come to blame the other person who is "reacting" to things we have just said or done. If your message being sent has an air of manipulation, control, judgements or disdain, just to name a few, then you have the makings of an all out and out battle.
Dr. Graydon Goss, Md says, "There are three major areas we call triggers which have strong tendencies to start so many of the conflicts between people, and they are:"
Accusations: These are well intentional statements or questions that are meant to express hurt, but instead imply blame. Hurts are inevitable and as much as we try to avoid them we just don't. These accusations are expressions of anger instead of hurt. "You never pay any attention to me", instead of "I'm feeling lonely." "Why can't you ever be on time?", instead of "I am feeling impatient and have been worried." We all have the tendency to make it about somebody else instead of an expression of self.
INVALIDATIONS: This is when we imply someone's feelings are wrong, misguided, inappropriate etc. "You shouldn't feel that way." These are and can be very subtle however, they really hurt. Feelings are very real, believe it or not. Anger generally precedes hurt and that goes to the bone. Be careful. Acknowledge others feelings and offer to help if you can.
PHONY FACTS: These are opinions and (mis) perceptions expressed as though they are fact."
"I was born in PA." That is a fact. "Your Mother treats you like a child." That is an opinion. These will always invite disagreements, rebuttal or defensiveness. People will usally feel attacked this way. Is this what you want to create in your life?
All three of these triggers are well intentioned but ineffective attempts to communicate. Accusations--hurtful substitutes for expressions of feelings.
Invalidations--hurtful substitutes for expressions concern.
Phony facts--hurtful substitutes for expressions of information.
Let's learn more effective ways to communicate.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
- Be kind! Be kind! And Be kind!
- Be an example to others.
- Be sensitive and exercise better judgement.
- Be a non-participant of gossip.
- Be mindful of "your business" only.
- Become approachable.
- Respect the privacy of others.
- Always get more information before making decisions.
- Let's not attempt to read the minds of others. Stay out of their heads.
- Earn each others trust and respect.
- Avoid sarcasm AND criticism.
- Acknowledge people doing the right thing.
- Take a sincere interest in others.
- Look where you can give sincere compliments to others daily.
Every journey begins with the first step, as we all have heard through our lives. Developing a positive attitude of gratitude will keep us from developing "Psychoschlorosis", as Zig Ziglar would say. What is it? Hardening of the attitudes. Yes--it is a manufactured word, however our hearts and minds do not know anything different than what we teach it. Realize what you have to be grateful for and YES-this all has to do with positive thinking. Will positive thinking let me do anything? Absolutely not. BUT-it will let me do everything better then negative thinking will. Remember the 10 two letter words of success: "If it is to be, it is up to me".
Have a Great Day!!
Friday, February 1, 2008
As relayed to me from a coaching client this past year, this comes to us from a Oprah show on determining the amount of happiness we all are experiencing. It is a short five question excerise which you will score your answers, to determine where you are on the "Happiness" continuumm. The questions are very generic, however your answers will be very specific. Here we go:
Your grading key will be from 1-7. One being "not much in agreement" with seven being "very much in agreement." Be careful to focus only on what you are reading and refrain from going to the answer scale. We want this to be an absolute, unvarnished reflection of your truth about yourself. Let's proceed........
1. In most ways, my life is close to ideal.
2. The conditions of my life are excellent.
3. I am satisfied with my life.
4. So far, I have gotten the important things in life.
5. If I could live my life over again, I would change almost nothing.
Let's see how you did. 31-35--Extremely Satisfied
15 and Below-----Dissatisfied
In Between-------So very much work to be done
What I found interesting, the happiest person on the show panel of guests was the funeral home owner of 35 years. The person scoring the lowest was the one looking to "be" the happiest. We all need to look at the very energy we are using each day. Let's determine if we are creating positive or negative attributes to our life and people around us. When I reflect back to clients who have worked beyond their life situations and have evolved, it helped me to look at the word C.O.A.C.H. and give it an acronym: " Changing Our Attitudes Creates Happiness". Take time to reflect on you, while giving "you" what you need. Be a great day.