Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Children and Discipline

There seems to be such a disconnect these days as to what is the correct way to discipline children. So much concern is placed on their self esteem that we don't injure their sensitive feelings while many households are being held hostage by youngsters. It is my belief that a lot of parents are extremely hesitant to appropriately discipline their kids. Then the question is obviously asked, "what is the correct way?" Let's look at this. First off, when children start running the household, we now have the tail wagging the dog. Why can't we take away a expensive DVD player, or a flat screen television, a computer, x box etc. many people ask? They do not become permanent fixtures in a child's room. These are earned and retained by regularly displaying good, healthy manners, polite attitude and proper communicating of the English language, without any demeaning, sarcastic or cutting words. If their behavior or manners are indicative of disrespectful slang, innuendos or gestures, things need to come flying out of that room and not taken back until there is a significant shift in their attitude. If they are only left with a mattress to sleep on and the floor to hold their clothes, then so be it. This is what they have earned for themselves. We have a generation of young men who have already learned the negative skill of control and manipulation. We do not need to teach the next group of kids coming up the same thing. I am quite sure that some people reading this are already in disagreement with what I am saying and that is perfectly okay. I will just ask you that what you are doing presently, if it isn't working well, would you be open to something new and different? Here is a rule of thumb to go by: with any discipline it needs to be respectful, related and reasonable. If you follow that guideline, then it will teach the child to do this in a loving, teaching, caring and supportive way. Too many times we as adults will make a child the brunt end of being punished. Remember: discipline comes from the word "disciple", which means to teach. Punishment only looks around to "blame" someone which is generally the child. Self esteem bottoms out, self worth plummets, self confidence flies right out the window and they walk away feeling like, "not enough". It does not take too many instances for them to get that message of "not enoughness". Children do not question the wrong doings of adults, they suffer them. Please keep that in mind. If we all could become an ambassador for children's appropriate rights, then we will fully understand how we are raising respectful adults, not children.

Learning To Communicate With Tact and Skills

As a result of developing your skill set and widening your range of techniques and communication tools, there will be a new realization of what your life will be about and who you will become. Here is just a short laundry list to review of how elevating your current knowledge base will benefit you. As a result of these new mindsets you will learn: A simple four step method for handling conflict; how to become a better supervisor, manager, team leader, parent, spouse, mate; how to eliminate being a direct target for rude and difficult people; how to have the proper response instead of a negative emotional reaction; how to stop being a people pleaser and take good care of yourself; how to stop being manipulated anymore; how to effectively deflect criticism; how to handle the "right fighters" in your life; how to spot a "V.E.R.B."(A person who generally is playing the Victim role--always displaying a sense of Entitlement--looking to be Rescued by others----then Blaming others and life for their misfortune and deeds gone wrong.) how to set appropriate boundaries and stick to them; how to develop better listening skills; finally-- last but certainly not least, how to bring out the best in yourself and others.
Start choosing today to positively respond to others by communicating with a very different yet healthier dialogue. The saying comes to mind," The more I understand myself, the more effectively I can work with others".

Monday, March 24, 2008

Personal Values

More and more as I network with people, the discussion of personal values continues to intrigue me. I will preface my comments here with the fact that I was not always able to identify mine. This is the very reason why I connect with others about this topic. One thing to know in regards to claiming your values is that self confidence is tied directly to this issue. Once defined, you will grow leaps and bounds in restructuring your life. Each one of us has our own personal power that we either personally diminish or will relinquish to others, figuring they might know better what is right for us. Get clear, crystal clear on what you value most: loyalty, kindness, wisdom, charm, empathy, honesty etc. just to name a few. Once becoming definite about what you stand for, admire and seek, your peace of mind, sense of purpose and fullfillment will pave the way for success and happiness. You become a self actualizing person who is totally responsible for choices made. Webster's defines value as "a thing or quality of intrinisic worth". Let's become genuinely focused on your values so you will come to realize the self worth you are very deserving of.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Questions For Change

Preceeding any coaching relationship, there are always some questions which either directly are asked of my clients or they show up in conversation. These are ones that I firmly believe will help both of us drill down to the core of truth to be dealt with:
  • What are your three distinct personal values?
  • What three areas of self-development would you like to improve?
  • What can you stop doing today which is keeping you from getting what you want?
  • If people hold negative perceptions of you, are they generally true? If not, how are they wrong?
  • What do you want to be happy and what are you willing to do to get it?
  • What will it feel like to get what you want to be happy?

In looking to redefine our lives in one way or another, we need to hold a mirror up for a time to look at the very obvious. After a period of time of doing this, with work, then we exchange the mirror for a window to go and experience our growth realized. These questions aren't the end all however, we all need a starting point and this can serve as a new and different beginning.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Managing Stressful Situations

In our very busy and hectic live style today, we sometimes fail to remember to take good care of ourselves. Because we handled all of these stress events yesterday, last month, last year is no recipe for a healthy, happy quality filled life. Just as soon as our system goes on overload, then all these events PLUS our ineffective ways of coping will come home to roost. By NOT managing stress well and just pushing it to the side, way down, becoming verbally combative and aggressive, we just delay the inevitable attack on our whole body wellness system. We choose these options because we believe they worked yesterday and will work today. WRONG! The following are passages from Dr. James Wilson's book, "Adrenal Fatigue". The very onset for this condition has many components which affect us, including but not limited to, physically, emotionally, psychologically and congentitally. Without the proper strategies for dealing with such things as : powerlessness, perfectionism, constant participation in no win situations, internal emotional stress, negative attitudes & beliefs, marital stress, death of a loved one, financial worries etc.; these are just a snapshot of the many factors which can trigger adrenal fatigue. Remember-all stresses are cumulative and additive in nature. Translation: Whether you recognize them or not, as many as you may have, the intensity and frequency of them, plus the length of time they are present, all combine to form your total stress load.
Being a coach, it is my belief we all need to be very aware and identify the triggers which set us off and be totally honest with ourselves first, before we can begin requesting of others of what all we need. Because over 80% of Americans suffer from some form of adrenal fatigue like Dr. Wilson says, that is a staggering statistic yet testimony to what our new focus of wellness has to be. There is no one size fits all for handling stress yet just acknowledging it is there will help tremendously. Let's be willing to become proactive of developing a game plan for better combined health, as this will be the first step on your road to recovery.