Monday, March 16, 2009

How To Enhance Your Career or Profession

I have had a number of conversations with career counselors and advisors of folks seeking career moves. One of the common grounds we seem to agree on is that there are a percentage of people who hold jobs they seem to be less than satisfied with. On the other hand, there are employers who are tolerating workers just to keep a position filled. In each case scenario, a prospective employer will be looking really careful as to who they have in their employ. Are there folks who just may be going along to get along? Will they do today what they did yesterday because they have gotten very lax and complacent in their routine? If someone came along to demonstrate quite a bit more enthusiasm or interest in this certain position, wouldn't a employer be inclined to look at you differently? Just the fact that if the right person came along to fill that position, all of a sudden somone is unexpectedly looking for a job. Taking a hard look at what we are doing and who we are becoming, I believe, is most important to continue helping us to remain most "attractive". Two distinct qualities which will help you with that is to have a very positive attitude while greeting everyone with a smile. It is said that will give you "face value". Think about how you feel when you are greeted by someone who knows how to effectively display both of these qualities. When answering a telephone, make sure you have your smile on before you start talking. A positive attitude without a doubt helps you to stay out of conflict with your supervisors, customers and fellow workers. By displaying a negative disposition and adversarial reactions will surely undermine your chances for job longevity and chances for advancement. There is an expression, "Who you are speaks so loud I cannot hear what you are saying". Absolutely speaks volumes of who we are and sometimes we just don't have to open our mouth for people to know that about us. No matter what you do for a living, if you are being paid a check then somehow you are providing a service. Look at the word--S_E_R_V_I_C_E--make two words out of it. SERV / ICE--Do you really "serv" or is there "ice" in your disposition, mannerisms and verbal reactions? Ask trusted associates for thier feedback if this is of interest to you for determining truth about you. We constantly need to keep drilling down to our core truth for proper and total self development. Know yourself to teach others about you personally, get into relationship with yourself first before extending outward to others, while engaging everyone you meet with a smile. When you decide exactly what you want, you will create the necessary steps to get there. If the job/career you have is not the one you want, do not let someone take it from you because you my not have been aware of some of this information. It makes most sense to make a choice to be proactive about things than having to be reactive. Remember--with any place of employment the 85/15 rule: 15% of what you know gets you in the door however the 85% of who you are and what you are about is what keeps you there!!!! Have a great day and best of luck to you!!

How We Can Be Happy

Recently I saw a publication that one of my readers recently sent my way titled, "You Can Choose to Be Happy" by Tom Stevens. The title had reminded me of a book I had read years ago name "What Happy People Know" by Dr. Dan Baker. Yes I do enjoy filling myself up with as much of the positive minded attitudes I can find. Dr. Baker had said that there are as many as 54,000+ articles written on depression, anger, negativity etc however only a few hundred about positivity, happiness and the like.
Ever wonder why we are being bombarded with tv commercials pushing medicines to quell these conditions? Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long. What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered.
I believe that by understanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minute or two to sink in. A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others.
By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!!
Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities. With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return. So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.
We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo. Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Life Strategies For Living

Please look over this list and see if there is at least one strategy out of the several listed which could be beneficial for either yourself or help someone you know.

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS---With all of the negativity flying around today, no matter where we tend to be, let's agree that we will not participate by adding our two cents. Our self talk is busy all day long telling our subconscious what to think. If we are going to be focusing in on just negatives guess what we end up thinking and feeling? We end up "reacting" to not only our thoughts but everyone who crosses our path during the day. The fact that we have close to 50,000+ thoughts a day, how many of those are positively charged and helping us in a constructive way? We are the gatekeepers to our mind so let us be more proactive in the moment so we do not have to go back and undo damage not otherwise focused on.
HOW DO YOU COPE?---What coping strategies do you utilize? Are they effective? Are they worn out? Whichever ones we have been using up to this point will be reflective of the amount of stress you are under and can endure. Nothing torpedoes us more than to have a new situation arise, needing to be dealt with and a worn out coping skill is used to expect different results. We all see the insanity here. Identify if you are "reacting" or "responding to this dilemma. When we react we tend to be more emotional and "start acting things out" rather than "working things out." We need to discover a language and add it to this experience. Start asking for what you want, need expect or what you will tolerate from others. Be specific. Do not rely on others to hopefully get your message through some divine intervention.
BE A GOAL SETTER---What goals have you set for yourself for this new year?? Have you? And if you have what is your completion percentage rate of accomplishing them? We all start out with these good intentions however we fall short of the mark sometimes for one reason or another. May I offer some tips? Keep your goals the size of your ability to complete them. Losing weight? Lose just a few pounds at a time. Going to be more productive? Break them down into small areas of accomplishments to set yourself up for success. With any goal you are going to set, make sure you are setting a realistic time line for completion. Define what you want to achieve and then take small measureable steps toward your goal. Also- --have an accountability partner that you trust, respect and can depend on to hold your feet to the fire as far as meeting these short term goals. This will assure you of obtaining your desired results while receiving some very accurate and responsible feedback. The more you receive the more informed you will become as you are developing your plan for success. Do what is needed t0 move forward into the direction you want to go, without letting anyone or anything derail you.
Maintain an Attitude of Gratitude--Do you consciously decide to have a grateful attitude? This is and can be done by design. We create the way we will regard ourselves not leaving that job to anyone else. Having a healthy, positive, truly grateful approach to life and people is more important than all the money, cars, houses, planes etc. that one can possibly gather. Decide what you are truly grateful for each day as you suit up to go out into the world engaging others. It will make a tremendous difference in the life you will sart living instead of just existing in.
Forgiving Self and Others---Have you taken the time to stop long enough to give yourself a shower of forgiveness in regards to past circumstances? As hard as it is to forgive yourself goes to show you how adept we get at holding grudges. Please note that holding a grudge is the heaviest thing you will ever carry all of your life. Anger, resentment and a lack of forgiving are some of the major things in life which can destroy a person. We need to find the peace within to be able to extend it out to others. This is not about forgetting. Absolutely not, however the longer you carry this around the old Chinese proverb says it very clearly that, "A man who cannot forgive and seeks revenge must dig two graves--one for himself and one for the other person." Let the peace begin with you as the old hymm says. I believe the Beatles were very clear and succinct when they said, "The love you take is equal to the love you make!"
Want Happiness? Build Solid Relationships--Relationships start with ourself first. Work to undertand who you are, what you stand for, what you need, want, deserve, enjoy, expect or are willing to tolerate. Once learned then you can healthily go out and share that with the world. To have true empathy for others is a sure sense of accomplishment. It does remain though the hardest thing to teach, the hardest thing to learn yet is the easiest thing to forget. A happy person will know about and have an unending supply of empathy to constantly share with everyone they meet. You will gravitate towards happiness and will have a healthy relationships by developing commitment, sincerity, and hardwork to achieve your desired results.
Develop A Generous Spirit---This one sounds easier said than done. People who have been hurt, disrespected, lied to, abused in some way, has had mistrust, and dishonest people in and out of their lives may say, "sure Bob-of course I will be more generous in giving away even more of myself--right!" No matter the hurts, pain, anger, resentments and discomfort felt or experienced, by harboring these you will only give more of your own personal power away to those who will use it against you. Let's strategize a method and plan of success by realizing that it takes an inside effort to make an outside difference. Start releasing all the negativity held inside to make room for this generous spirit you will be working on to fill yourself up with. The sooner you begin to become bold and courageous in this area of your life-when you look back on this time frame you travel through (and you will)--we do not want you to end up regretting the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. Now is the time to get started--get busy!!!!!!!

How Do I Become More Patient????

As I ask more and more people about self development issues, the three which seem to be of the most interest are: Tolerance--Acceptance--Patience. How can they acquire these qualities? Take the first letter of each word and you have--TAP! Tap-Tap-Tap. A rhythm to walk to daily if you will. Let's break each one down.
TOLERANCE: To be able to tolerate someone or something, in going by Mr. Webster's language he tells us to,"respect others beliefs, practices etc. and to just put up with things". SOOO much easier to say than do, I get it. Whether it be people or situations, so many of us will get into conflict with only ourselves in the room. It is like we go through "conflict zones" when the only person common to these is our self. To extend respect means we must have a high level of self respect. Therein lies a certain amount of awareness & work required to create that if missing. Where a number of people exhibit that conflict is in being "judgemental" of others, when indeed a part of their personality makeup is about judging in interacting with the outside world. One needs to learn how to use that quality positively-not negatively by putting people off.

AcceptanceThis area of self growth has three components: (1) Be accepting of yourself. (2) Accept things as they are. (3) Last and as important accept people as they are. Somehow in toddlerhood we learned that by resisting things/people repeatedly and long enough, eveything including everybody would change. Not the way life is to be lived, however there is so much resistance out there. By following the rule of three, as far as acceptance goes, you will experience continued growth of yourself and others. Then life changes. And---last but certainly not least:

PATIENCE: This becomes the end result of acquiring the first two qualities. Having patience, in this Coach's most humble opinion, is something we develop as we stroll through life as opposed to just showing up in the world having it. Again Mr. Webster's words of wisdom defines "Patience" as, calmly "tolerating" delay, confusion and having endurance. SO-how do we accomplish all of this. BOLO--a law enforcement term meaning,"Be On Look Out. Discover what trips your internal triggers, usually emotionally. Decide if this is about you or someone else.

When you reframe things and run it through this different filter before reacting, it will help you to think it through clearly. With everything that happens, people or situations, consider it all as an "IT". IT will never be about a "YOU". When you respond to an "it", it will require information about the subject and not run the other person into the ground. Once you can make that distinction it frees everyone up to be able to speak freely, removing people from the equation.

What are YOU going to do about how you accept, tolerate and bring patience to all matters? It is and can be difficult however learning more and more about "self" places everyone in a much better frame of mind to be in far more postive control of themselves. Keep growing and keep learning!!!!!!!

How To Have a More Functional Family

When we all make decisions to create our family units, there are a number of responsibilities we need to be aware of which come naturally with the territory. One thing to remember--a blast from the past--F.A.M.I.L.Y--stands for: FATHER AND MOTHER I LOVE YOU!! We all want to protect, support, defend, nuture, guide, share, love and respect the very people who we share DNA with. We all bring so much of our own personal history to these families we begin relationships with.
We all will have a tendency to unconsciously enmesh the old with the new. By following a few guidelines to chart a new course of direction, here are a few ways to develop a new focus for the family system. Everything starts with family so let us begin with having a spirit of healthy forgiveness. No blame gaming, guilt inducing, resentments, negative attitudes and the like. Truly forgive and let go, so as to have the best chance to be able to grow. Forgiveness starts with our self first so we can effectively give that away to others. Aren't they deserving and worth it? Be open and all encompassing with others. Allow others to genuinely have a place in your life. Create healthy family bonds and loving relationships. Your life will be far more enriched by being more inclusive then exclusive (that meaning excluding others).
Another important facet of healthy families is to express not suppress, demonstrate and respect feelings. Having and role modeling an expressive way of dealing with feelings is a sure fire way of honoring and embracing each family member. They feel the love, joy and validation of just being them. Openly displaying feelings is a way to genuinely teach others to "be and feel" who they authentically are. Many times feelings are discarded, discounted and ignored which stunt people's development. Remember--in order to heal it we must first feel it!!! This rule of thumb applies to people and all of life's situations.
Another healthy functioning component is to have effective ways to set our boundaries in place while we acknowledge, accept and respect others. Having and being respective of ourselves and others will always be reflected by honoring appropriate boundaries. Say what you mean, mean what you say however just do not say it mean. If you want respect show respect--it is that simple.
That is a good segway into our last segment which is creating autonomy in everyone. By exercising self control and not being controlling, manipulative, intimidating or perfectionistic, people can grow inmeasureably under your guidance. It will also demomstrate to others that mature, high functioning adults are role modeling properly to all who live under your roof. I know there are as many more ways to beome high functioning, however following these handful of suggestions can elevate the standards of your family and set in place happy memories to reflect back on.
If you were filming a movie of your life, recording every iota and bit of daily information happening realtime, what would your documentary look like???? Just a thought to ponder. I saw something in my years of being in the Child Care business, "Children do not question the wrong doings of adults, they suffer them". Hmmmmmmm??? Food for thought.
Once again, thank you for allowing me to share thoughts and ideas with you and for your continued support. It is greatly appreciated.
Happy trails and giddy up!!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

How To Be More Effective in The Workplace

In today's very turbulent downturn economy, with job security being on the decline and job scarcity being on the increase, what are the things you can do to help increase your chances of staying employed at the job you have? What we will talk about are also qualities you can develop within yourself, which you can claim to bring to anyone's organization. If there is any question about how and what you can do to increase your chances of retaining your position at your job, by all means turn over all of the stones to find the answers. One line of thinking about who you are, no matter the place, people, or situations would be your attitude. Sounds quite simplistic I know, yet many people get tripped up over this. By utilizing a healthy, positive, infectuous attitude towards others, you will never have to be the smartest one in your department. IF the smartest person in a job setting showed to be caustic, frustrating or difficult to get along with the othr 22 associates, guess who will become the odd person out? People with good attitudes are teachable and trainable to tun the "gidgets to make the widgets". Having patience is quite important so when things do not go well, you will remain calm and navigate your way through it. This can be quite a role modeling value for others in times of stressful situations. The ability to be and stay in control of self to demonstrate to others how to do this, is a great leadership quality. Two qualities I strongly believe go hand in hand are that of responsibility and dependibility. If you demonstrate being a responsible enough person to be extremely dependable, these will speak volumes to folks as will being courteous, honest, mannerly and polite. Having a dropout in any of the above mentioned qualities can affect your tenure dramactically.
I wish you continued success in all your career endeavors.