Sunday, March 15, 2009

How To Have a More Functional Family

When we all make decisions to create our family units, there are a number of responsibilities we need to be aware of which come naturally with the territory. One thing to remember--a blast from the past--F.A.M.I.L.Y--stands for: FATHER AND MOTHER I LOVE YOU!! We all want to protect, support, defend, nuture, guide, share, love and respect the very people who we share DNA with. We all bring so much of our own personal history to these families we begin relationships with.
We all will have a tendency to unconsciously enmesh the old with the new. By following a few guidelines to chart a new course of direction, here are a few ways to develop a new focus for the family system. Everything starts with family so let us begin with having a spirit of healthy forgiveness. No blame gaming, guilt inducing, resentments, negative attitudes and the like. Truly forgive and let go, so as to have the best chance to be able to grow. Forgiveness starts with our self first so we can effectively give that away to others. Aren't they deserving and worth it? Be open and all encompassing with others. Allow others to genuinely have a place in your life. Create healthy family bonds and loving relationships. Your life will be far more enriched by being more inclusive then exclusive (that meaning excluding others).
Another important facet of healthy families is to express not suppress, demonstrate and respect feelings. Having and role modeling an expressive way of dealing with feelings is a sure fire way of honoring and embracing each family member. They feel the love, joy and validation of just being them. Openly displaying feelings is a way to genuinely teach others to "be and feel" who they authentically are. Many times feelings are discarded, discounted and ignored which stunt people's development. Remember--in order to heal it we must first feel it!!! This rule of thumb applies to people and all of life's situations.
Another healthy functioning component is to have effective ways to set our boundaries in place while we acknowledge, accept and respect others. Having and being respective of ourselves and others will always be reflected by honoring appropriate boundaries. Say what you mean, mean what you say however just do not say it mean. If you want respect show respect--it is that simple.
That is a good segway into our last segment which is creating autonomy in everyone. By exercising self control and not being controlling, manipulative, intimidating or perfectionistic, people can grow inmeasureably under your guidance. It will also demomstrate to others that mature, high functioning adults are role modeling properly to all who live under your roof. I know there are as many more ways to beome high functioning, however following these handful of suggestions can elevate the standards of your family and set in place happy memories to reflect back on.
If you were filming a movie of your life, recording every iota and bit of daily information happening realtime, what would your documentary look like???? Just a thought to ponder. I saw something in my years of being in the Child Care business, "Children do not question the wrong doings of adults, they suffer them". Hmmmmmmm??? Food for thought.
Once again, thank you for allowing me to share thoughts and ideas with you and for your continued support. It is greatly appreciated.
Happy trails and giddy up!!!

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