Thursday, May 21, 2009

Follow Up On Boundaries

Boundaries are as necessary to our body as fuel is to any engine. So many people say they are living their lives when indeed they are just existing in their life. Whenever we do not feel the worth of our own selves, demonstrated by not being able to say what we want, or do what we want, it is as if we have given control of our lives over to just about anybody else on the planet.To feel muzzled, gagged, tied up in a knot by someone else's standards or demands, is not living a full functioning life.
We, as individuals, must realize this is no dress rehearsal, as we turn each page of our daily life. We are responsible for what we do and who we are becoming. Setting boundaries is one of the primary tools and the fuel we need for designing the life we really want to live.Two of the main reasons we set boundaries are to first protect ourselves and/or anyone else we are in charge of (physically, verbally, spiritually, socially and psychologically). Secondly, when we state what we want, what we expect, what we will and will not tolerate, we stay out of the other person's head, as to how and what they are going think of us. We will be free to state our wants, needs expectations and tolerations.
Our life must belong to us or we turn over the helm of our ship to just about anybody who will take it. We deserve better than that and a Coach will help you define your boundaries and show you how to implement them immediately.
As your Coach, I care about you and how you can free yourself from the chaos of these age old, self imposed restrictions and bondages. IMMEDIATELY--when you realize that someone is crossing the line, especially verbally, say to yourself in your head first, "I will not take your guilt".
Now that you are warmed up, let those words roll right off your lips. It is very empowering. If unable, then just say it to yourself mentally until you can express it. Picture a hula hoop and 50 feet of garden hose in a circle. Those represent your boundaries. Without any verbal responses to people, they can get real close to you. Hence the hula hoop. Not much room to move around in. However when you begin to address these remarks and verbal attacks, letting others know what you will tolerate and won't tolerate will put them on notice that change is coming about and it is all "about" you. NOW you step out of the hula hoop and step into the 50 feet of garden hose. Much more room to operate in as people will only get as close to you that you let them. Give this a run around the block a couple of times and see if you have success with it.
I am not saying this is easy to do nor that you have to. I am saying that it is necessary for your own survival and quality of life. I am also saying that as long as you allow these situations to continue, you can expect more of the same.So-unless and until you decide what you want in your life, just expect the same old stuff to continue.
EVERYONE is allowed to establish boundaries between ourselves(what we accept from ourself and what we won't), others and situations. When it becomes difficult and you loose your way, then it is time to call the Coach. I wish you Godspeed with this, as we can always disuss this at length by taking advantage of my free offer of 30 minutes of free coaching. Thanks again for your time!!
posted by Bob Riley @ 10:53 PM 0 Comments

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