Why is that when we as human beings profess to care or be concerned about anyone else, will allow such negative actions, reactions and attitudes to enter into our world? Unfortunately, the very way we think and care about our own self has a way of infecting others. There are as many different ways we can create and bring about dissension in our lives. Specifically showcasing the following I can only hope, will generate some change of thinking and behaving if any of these are alive and unwell in your life.
(1) History Keeping: When someone is always dredging up the past and reciting old transgressions, this can quickly inject discontent and fuel some anger in a conversation. It is cruel to work so hard on memorizing the past of negative events and then to verbally beat someone up with it over and over again, as though they can go back in time and erase it. We learn from the past we do not "burn" someone with it continually.
(2) Blame Gaming: This one is right up there with verbal abuse in my opinion. Many situations are fueled by one's attempt to get a person feeling bad about choices they have made. More often than not, most people realize the ills of having made a choice which didn't work out so well. How in the world does dog piling on them more, help them to move forward and grow? Too often we will be blamed by others so much, as if there is a reward for doing so. Either verbally or physically pointing a finger at someone is never going to work out. If for the moment, it seems to be a good idea, just think of how you dislike it when that is done to you. No one enjoys being blamed or shamed about anything.
(3) Non forgiving: For way too long, having any unforgiving spirit will only harden peoples attitude towards you. If there is not an ounce of forgiveness in your soul, what chance will there be of you receiving any if that is important for you? None of us, I repeat, none of us have got the authority over an other's life to be so entrenched in being unforgiving. The Chinese Proverb says it best, "He who pursues revenge shall dig two graves, one for them self and one for the other person."
(4) Attacking: When we think of what this word conjures up in us, think of an attack dog OR being attacked by a robber, How does the person being attacked feel? If never having been in either situation we can never really feel what it is about. However, we all have a pretty good idea of what it would be like. Tell you what. If you want to do some attacking, attack the weeds in the yard, a large painting project or any other large task. Gently approach the soul, mind and spirit of another human being.
(5) Right Fighting: This one can appear to be self explanatory. A person who has to be right, act right or have the world go right (according to them), generally is filled up with one thing and that is "not enough". Their inner feeling of "not enoughness" produces conflict with other people in their life. They essentially have to take from others with this form of invasion, to feel okay. An attitude of right fighting and having the last word is most paramount to filling a void in one who cannot be filled. It screams very loudly that their own sense of self esteem, personal power and self worth is that far off the road and in the ditch. Learn to fill your own cup, continually overflowing so you will, be, can, do and will always have enough.
(6) Manipulating: This one has such a control issue attached to it, which when utilized, is symbolically murdering the spirit of another human being. Sounds hard I know. People who think they are in control of everything are in control of nothing. To manipulate is to take the very control of someone else's life. Yes--they are giving you that control and at some point will take it back. In the meantime, what they are signing on for is a form of brain washing. By not being a responsible person, the manipulator will make the other person responsible for them. The sad thing is manipulators will never be pleased enough by someone else. YOU will generally be criticized for not doing things right. Manipulators can be quite pronounced and visible in their tactics, but most often they are very devious, subtle and conniving. Eventually, people will get fed up, used up and will want out at all costs.
I hope by just shining a bright light on these will help put into perspective what doesn't work and will never be effective in any relationship. Now is the time to put a stop order in place and say no more. Begin to stand for what is pure, good, healthy, positive, productive and forthright.