With this being our last part of our Mars/Venus discussion, we will look at the way an apology and forgiveness needs to be done.
Men have this classic ability to offer up explanations when an apology is due. Sometimes this explanation will be embellished somewhat, to establish credibility with his woman. Interesting enough, the thought is, the better the explanation, the increased chance it will be believed and accepted. Wrong!! When men have an apology between men, one apologizes to the other, he accepts it-done deal, the conversation is over. When a man needs to give an apology to a woman, after the I'm sorry, the conversation has just begun. Women need to express their feelings about what the man did and make sure he knows why she is upset and understands it. A woman's ability to forgive will begin when she hears the description of what happpened. It is called a "Nadjective". This is referred to as a "negative adjective". If a man was rude, insensitive, offensive, he says, "I was rude, insensitive and/or offensive". Nadjectives!! She hears that "he gets it". Now she can move to doing the forgiving because he has the chance to respond to how she felt about this and how it affected her. Men-here's the key. Bring the "I"m sorry" right away. You owe it-she's due it--pony up. Next-listen to her response and hear her share the feelings which were created. This is not supposed to feel good so grin and bear it to learn the lesson. When she is done, then respond with the appropriate "nadjective". If you do not focus on your mistake, she will until you do. Your choice. Here's the distinction between saying I'm sorry and asking for forgiveness. When you say you are sorry, that means you didn't know what you were doing and someone got hurt in the process. Asking for forgiveness says that I knew what I was doing and I am ready to step up and take responsibility for what I did. The more a man apologizes and is forgiven, the more considerate he becomes. Strangely enough, by doing all of this, there is an incredible power we will have to bring more happiness into our life and isn't that what we all deserve?
I know this got quite long however I believe you will agree this is an important subject for us all to take notice of. Thank you John Gray for all your expertise/research about Mars and Venus and most of all, thank you all for your time!