When we have the opportunity to engage others, whether it be personally, professionally and even with family--we are always extending to others exactly who we are and what we know.
In selecting this topic, I am of the humble opinion that the more we know the better we grow. Cutting our teeth on learning communication techniques will always serve to be both respectful of others while keeping our own self respect.
By constantly filling our self up with all of the good, positive, pure and healthy will certainly give us the edge in life to become a higher functioninjg individual.
On my home page of my web site, bobrileycoaching.com, you will find three universal benefits to coaching. Communication is one of the three, however the other two are directly tied to how we express to others what we want, need , expect and tolerate. Please check those out when you can as well as lettters on my blog.
The 6 ways to build people are::
1. Be Amicable with Everyone. This isn't to say you are or will be buddy-buddy with them, just that you are more approachable, inviting and open to all.
2. Share with Everyone. Be that willing to share yourself with others as they will feel comfortable doing the same with you. Of course there is a limit and boundary to some things, I understand, however to be too guarded will keep from developing trust and dedication from them to you.
3. Seek Out Mentors and Knowledge. Anything needed to help you learn more, become more is certainly available to you if you just search long and hard enoough to find it.
4. Be Royally Loyal. Hewlett Packard learned this day after day after day within his organization. He walked the floor of his company demonstrating this to his people. The more you give this the more you will get in return. It is the best investment in others you can make.
5. Care to Be Fair. When you emulate this to others, their behavior towards you and others will yield a very positive return.
6. Always Find the Humor in Most Situations. One of the best indicators of one's ability to lead and be a positive role model is to laugh at themselves first so as to not leave the job to others. It neutralizes pressure in most all tense situations and brings a calm to any energized atmosphere.
I wish you all well as you continue to develop yourself in whatever way you feel the need to grow in. Just know that this journey through life is just that and not a destination we ever reach.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Men--How to Forgive and Apologize
There are as many differences between the sexes that we can imagine, however the importance of understanding both is crucial to the happiness of all.We never are going to fully know the inner workings of a woman's mind yet we need to live our life like we do.There are things we can do to begin a process of shifting our thoughts to reflect a more open, understanding mindset. A great way to demonstrate this is to learn how to truly forgive and to apologize. I am sure a automatic knee jerk reaction to this is, " sure, bet on it-can't wait". Well-we can continue on our merry way looking to "be right" OR we can choose to be happy.Your choice. When someone has to be right all of the time that means someone else has to be wrong. How do you think that feels always for them? Forgiving and apologizing in a sincere way is the highest form of respect you can give someone. It starts with you first though to have a genuine, gracious, open and honest heart. Pure love is able to be released to others which I believe is our greatest ability to create joy peace and happiness.Forgiving is totally releasing any emotion or future attitude toward another human being in regards to what was said or done. To truly do this for another gives you the best oppoprtunity to be forgiven when it becomes your turn. When you teach people how to treat you, they sense a feeling of trust, acceptance and support. When it comes to apologizing, learn the art of doing this which means "no explanations". If indeed you were illmannered, insensitive, abusive, etc, be man enough to say it, own it and ackowledge just what you did. Too many times men give these watered down excuses, reasons and explanations, hoping the other person will buy one of them to make it go away. That approach will never validate the other person in regards to the way they were made to feel. Men may not worry about this because usually a quick apology between men will do, however that is not what this is all about. Get this--if you are unwilling to be explicit with your mistakes and express this to a woman, she will keep the discussion going until you do. It just is extremely different for them. This is a law of life and definitely non-negotiable.These are two subjects we could go on and on with, I realize that, however if this is needed in your relationship or your life I would be glad to be of assistance. Happy trails!!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Identifying Abuse
(From the National Domestic Abuse Hotline)
Does your partner:
* Embarrass you with put downs
* Look at or act in ways that scare you
* Control who, what you do, see, talk to or go see
* Isolate you from friends, family members or supporters
* Manipulate you with control of money
* Dominate all decisions
* Criticize your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children
* Prevent you from working or attending school
* Deny or downplay abuse or try to blame you for "provoking" it
* Destroy your property
* Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Shove you, slap you, choke you, hit you or hurt you in some way
* Force you to drop charges
* Threaten to take their life
* Threaten to kill you, children or others
If you answered "YES" to just one of these questions your risk of living in an abusive situation is very high. Please seek out the proper help for yourself if this may be happening in your life.
(From the National Domestic Abuse Hotline)
Does your partner:
* Embarrass you with put downs
* Look at or act in ways that scare you
* Control who, what you do, see, talk to or go see
* Isolate you from friends, family members or supporters
* Manipulate you with control of money
* Dominate all decisions
* Criticize your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children
* Prevent you from working or attending school
* Deny or downplay abuse or try to blame you for "provoking" it
* Destroy your property
* Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Shove you, slap you, choke you, hit you or hurt you in some way
* Force you to drop charges
* Threaten to take their life
* Threaten to kill you, children or others
If you answered "YES" to just one of these questions your risk of living in an abusive situation is very high. Please seek out the proper help for yourself if this may be happening in your life.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Assertiveness or aggressiveness?
In following some published articles on health, stress and ways to manage these effectively, there has been a common theme to them which I have found quite interesting. There is evidence as to the very thoughts and feelings we carry around inside of us, "reacting" negatively to people, situations and just life's events taking place. Letting these build up inside of us, having revengeful, emotional attitudes we carry around 24/7, is likened to taking poison expecting others to die. We have the responsibility to "respond" more healthily, as we shoulder the burden on how to learn more about how to move past these events in terms of getting well.
In our rapidly changing world of our economy, businesses, families, relationships, fast paced technology advances and many other vital aspects of our lives, the need for understanding, insight, patience, awareness, diligence and stress reduction are of utmost concern.
Our families, jobs, relationships are all at risk due to the way we handle all of these encounters. There are three major significant areas of change which happen within us, they are our physiological, psychological and emotional balances. Our inner immune system takes a hit, our constructive methods of problem solving and coping are attacked while mood swings create anxiety, fears and depression.
I am not advocating a one size fits all solution, however if any of these three areas you have noticed are and have been impacted, then I strongly recommend you begin searching methods to reverse the trend. If we keep doing the same things with people or events, we will continue with the same results--no rocket science here. I can assure you that to healthily assert yourself, rather than be pushy, quarrelsome, attacking and fighting to be right, will be much healthier as you adopt these new ways for successfully thriving in today's world. This is all about how we handle change when we are confronted with it. Yes, change is and can be difficult sometimes, yet what turmoil you may feel in the inside will ensure a life of conflict on the outside. We must learn a much more healthy way of communicating effectively our wants, needs, fears, tolerations and expectations to others. The art of assertiveness gives you just that. You are respecting others rights of being while retaining your own.
The real difference between assertiveness and aggression is how the words we use, the behaviors we exhibit towards others, affect their well being and their rights. How do you want to be regarded? Are you a right fighter who argues to win? Do you look for more problems than solutions as if there is a reward for finding them? Are you in the mode of "victim" rather than the "victor" mode of consciousness? How do you see yourself and what do you need?
Working with a coach can elevate these areas of functioning, enabling you to think clearer, engage others more proactively while yielding more positive results overall in your life.
Just as a means of personal reflection and accountability, ask the people in your life who you know, like and trust, to give you feedback about your demeanor, ex: "Am I prone to act more aggressive or assertive"?
Take your own inventory so as to map out a plan for your success.
If you think of someone who might benefit some assertive skill building, please share my information with them as I would be honored to speak with them.
Thank you for your time.
In our rapidly changing world of our economy, businesses, families, relationships, fast paced technology advances and many other vital aspects of our lives, the need for understanding, insight, patience, awareness, diligence and stress reduction are of utmost concern.
Our families, jobs, relationships are all at risk due to the way we handle all of these encounters. There are three major significant areas of change which happen within us, they are our physiological, psychological and emotional balances. Our inner immune system takes a hit, our constructive methods of problem solving and coping are attacked while mood swings create anxiety, fears and depression.
I am not advocating a one size fits all solution, however if any of these three areas you have noticed are and have been impacted, then I strongly recommend you begin searching methods to reverse the trend. If we keep doing the same things with people or events, we will continue with the same results--no rocket science here. I can assure you that to healthily assert yourself, rather than be pushy, quarrelsome, attacking and fighting to be right, will be much healthier as you adopt these new ways for successfully thriving in today's world. This is all about how we handle change when we are confronted with it. Yes, change is and can be difficult sometimes, yet what turmoil you may feel in the inside will ensure a life of conflict on the outside. We must learn a much more healthy way of communicating effectively our wants, needs, fears, tolerations and expectations to others. The art of assertiveness gives you just that. You are respecting others rights of being while retaining your own.
The real difference between assertiveness and aggression is how the words we use, the behaviors we exhibit towards others, affect their well being and their rights. How do you want to be regarded? Are you a right fighter who argues to win? Do you look for more problems than solutions as if there is a reward for finding them? Are you in the mode of "victim" rather than the "victor" mode of consciousness? How do you see yourself and what do you need?
Working with a coach can elevate these areas of functioning, enabling you to think clearer, engage others more proactively while yielding more positive results overall in your life.
Just as a means of personal reflection and accountability, ask the people in your life who you know, like and trust, to give you feedback about your demeanor, ex: "Am I prone to act more aggressive or assertive"?
Take your own inventory so as to map out a plan for your success.
If you think of someone who might benefit some assertive skill building, please share my information with them as I would be honored to speak with them.
Thank you for your time.
Friday, September 10, 2010
How to Avoid Relationship killers
Here are a number of areas in relationships which can totally run it into the ditch without any willingness to change. I believe these are self explanatory and can stand on their own with maybe a little discussion of a few of them. I hope this provides some insight and help into the lives of many.
How do we avoid potential relationship pitfalls and what are some of the ones which cause these? Here are a few from my relationship coaching folks have had as concerns. I believe if we can learn from others, our own experiences can create more serenity, peace and contentment in the life we live.
RIGHT FIGHTING: People who engage in these type of discussions will generally and more often make others "wrong" which means everyone loses. Is that how you want to define yourself? If so, how much fun are you to live with?
ACCUSATORY OVERTONES: Do you look for blame, wrong, missing or lacking as if there were a reward for doing so? Be careful when pointing a finger as you will always have 3 pointing back at you.
MANIPULATION/CONTROL: Know and understand that the only thing we control are our reactions and responses to what happens to us. Other than that people are going to shut down and shut off towards any type of control they are living with. May work in the short run however it is very unhealthy, abusive and disrespectful.
RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY: To know and fully understand each of us is charged with growing, learning and becoming the very best person we can be. We do not do this at the expense of someone else's life. We create the very best relationship with our self first before joining our life with someone else.
COMMUNICATION HABITS: How many people I hear from, who just wish they could be talked to nicer, more sincerely and more truthfully as to what lays deep inside. Learn more about what we call the "currency" of others so we can deliver. What do they need, want and expect from people when being verbally engaged.
RESPECTING NEEDS AND WANTS: Here are a couple of areas of personal importance which are as individual as our fingerprints. Know how to access them and deliver as needed. It can be a game changer to everyone's life.
WORK THINGS OUT AS OPPOSED TO ACTING THINGS OUT: This one is so important as it dovetails to the communication title above. Without a language of feelings to fully express what it is you expect, then what happens is we emotionally wear our feelings on our sleeves and act it out hoping the other person gets our message. Rise above this.
GIVE AWAY 100 TO GET 50: This is a Dr. Phil-ism: "When you have to give up 100% of who you are to become half of something else, isn't the price you are having to pay just way too high"? Think about what, who and how much you might have been expected to compromise to have a life of someone else's expectations. Readjust, refigure and re launch the life you were authentically designed to live.
I hope these have been a mind shift for you or someone you might know who can benefit from this information. Any further information you would like, I welcome you to take advantage of my free introductory call to see how coaching can work for you.
How do we avoid potential relationship pitfalls and what are some of the ones which cause these? Here are a few from my relationship coaching folks have had as concerns. I believe if we can learn from others, our own experiences can create more serenity, peace and contentment in the life we live.
RIGHT FIGHTING: People who engage in these type of discussions will generally and more often make others "wrong" which means everyone loses. Is that how you want to define yourself? If so, how much fun are you to live with?
ACCUSATORY OVERTONES: Do you look for blame, wrong, missing or lacking as if there were a reward for doing so? Be careful when pointing a finger as you will always have 3 pointing back at you.
MANIPULATION/CONTROL: Know and understand that the only thing we control are our reactions and responses to what happens to us. Other than that people are going to shut down and shut off towards any type of control they are living with. May work in the short run however it is very unhealthy, abusive and disrespectful.
RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY: To know and fully understand each of us is charged with growing, learning and becoming the very best person we can be. We do not do this at the expense of someone else's life. We create the very best relationship with our self first before joining our life with someone else.
COMMUNICATION HABITS: How many people I hear from, who just wish they could be talked to nicer, more sincerely and more truthfully as to what lays deep inside. Learn more about what we call the "currency" of others so we can deliver. What do they need, want and expect from people when being verbally engaged.
RESPECTING NEEDS AND WANTS: Here are a couple of areas of personal importance which are as individual as our fingerprints. Know how to access them and deliver as needed. It can be a game changer to everyone's life.
WORK THINGS OUT AS OPPOSED TO ACTING THINGS OUT: This one is so important as it dovetails to the communication title above. Without a language of feelings to fully express what it is you expect, then what happens is we emotionally wear our feelings on our sleeves and act it out hoping the other person gets our message. Rise above this.
GIVE AWAY 100 TO GET 50: This is a Dr. Phil-ism: "When you have to give up 100% of who you are to become half of something else, isn't the price you are having to pay just way too high"? Think about what, who and how much you might have been expected to compromise to have a life of someone else's expectations. Readjust, refigure and re launch the life you were authentically designed to live.
I hope these have been a mind shift for you or someone you might know who can benefit from this information. Any further information you would like, I welcome you to take advantage of my free introductory call to see how coaching can work for you.
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