Saturday, May 30, 2009

How Important is Self Talk?

We all have certain thoughts and "perceptions" about what our truths are. When you look at these, ask yourself if they both are accurate and on point? OR have they both just become your reality over time?
Too many times we will repeat to ourself, things we have heard people say to us or what we say to self after making a decision which didn't go very well. Somehow we just dogpile on our own psyche and bombard it with gross negativity.
Because we as humans will have over 50,000 thoughts daily, we had better become more effective gate keepers about what we are storing in the most magnificient computer ever created-the one we call our brain. Isn't it just sort of miraculous how two people can look at exactly the same thing and see something totally different? Learn to listen attentively to people who have different opinions of you yet always be searching for truth. Ask any law enforcement officer about eyewitnesses to an accident to check this out.
What we hold as our truths about ourselves, others and life, needs to be challenged on a regular basis. When it comes to our opinion of others, many times we may act too impulsively before realizing that we do not have to change friends rather understand that friends change.
One of my favorite sayings from Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I add the word "people" to that because we all can get too judgemental about others.
We are always busy subconsciously, saying things to ourselves, mostly about us, which is negativly impacting our self esteem, self worth and self confidence. Whether we realize it or not it is generally chipping away at what we call our personal power. Become kinder and more gentle with yourself no matter what the situation, because your subconscious is constantly at work, storing all of your thoughts as you think them.
By managing our thoughts effectively, be ready to challenge what you hear yourself or someone else say. No matter how long or many times you have heard something, there is just as much possibility of it being wrong as opposed to being correct. Either way, a change of venue needs to happen. Always protect and enhance your self esteem as to what you think about you is most important. Just as Elizabeth Kirpatrick wrote of her book title, "What You Think of Me is None of My Business", this needs to become our mantra. Amen- period, end of story.!!!!
No matter who, what, where, when, or why, whatever situations and no matter the consequences, those who are the most honest with themselves will be the ones to travel farthest in life and will prevail.
Our self talk is all about self control. Starting today, no matter where we came from, what we have done or said-whatever our circumstances have dictated to us-we now are charged with who we become. That is our main responsibility. Take a shower of positive energy and ask yourself:
  • Who am I?
  • What do I care about?
  • What makes me me?
  • What have I accomplished?
  • How do I discipline myself positively?
  • What am I good at?
  • What makes me happy?

Lastly, there are two great sayings I believe are at the base of what we are talking about here--Marcus Aurelius said,"Our life is what our thoughts make it." Finally, Cardinal Neuman said, "We can believe what we choose. We are answerable for what we choose to believe".

Thank you always for your continued support and have a great day!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Where Are The Leaders???

We hear this word used to describe ones in advisory capacities and positions, however how do they measure up in their leadership abilities? Are leaders born or are they made? Everyone has a different take on that I am sure but one thing we all can agree on is that we all would require our leaders to possess certain qualities and attributes to command our respect, support and dedication.
Whether this is a national, state, county, civic, business or even a family issue, a leader has a responsibility to the very people they are in charge of. What do you require of a person you would consider to be a leader worth following? Have you ever thought of what a leader in your life needs to stand for? Can we agree that the very person we tap as a leader will have the innate ability to empower others to stand tall and large, especially when it comes to fully and freely expressing wants, needs, expectations, frustrations and concerns?
This all has to do with the image one presents of themself to others. Their very own values are speaking for them daily, communicating to everyone they meet by their actions observed. I also think we would prefer a leader to be quite accesssible: a good comparative analogy would be a wagonwheel with our leader being the hub supporting us, the spokes of the wheel. This promotes an open pathway of both communication and support for all concerned.
In regards to the topic of communicating, Admiral Rickover of the U. S. Navy said it best, "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people."Good solid leaders are generally vested in their people. Once again, empowering others in the successful development of each ones's potential always benefits everyone and the whole organization. Some of the qualities that go into developing a "LEADER" can be as follows: Listens attentively--Empathetic approach to others--Attitude of being healthy and positive--Disciplined constructively--Enthusiasm displayed genuinely with all--Respectful of all's views and positions. Many people come and go in leadership positions however I would hope we all would be and become proactive when it comes to expressing what works best for all of us. Everyone knows how to get the job done and with a realistic timeline, coupled with good direction, the job will generally go quite smoothly.
Leaders--we ask that the art of commanding be utilized not being demanding.posted by Bob Riley @ 12:41 PM 0 Comments
Posted by Bob Riley at 1:59 PM

Mars and Venus Continuing On

Because Mars and Venus are are so different, as John Gray continues to instruct us, their communication styles also have marked differences. For instance: If a woman may complain about her life, immediately the man feels the need to offer her a solution. (As if she isn't able to figure it out on her own.) However, that is what men do is fix things. When she says,"I just don't have time or enough help to get things done at work." Once again, men will tell her to slow down, don't try to do so much and get some people to help.
To men, that makes sense-to women that is so far off base. Instead, say to her, "you are such a hard worker and always give your best. Can I give you a hug?" Now, you may tell her that she worries too much and works way too hard. "Let's just forget it and just go out". No-she will not and is unable to just forget it.
Right now, men just need to listen to all that is being said, give an offer to help or ask if there is anything you can do? A woman needs to be heard and once that is done and she has processed her feelings, she will feel much better. Just refrain from fixing any problem. Offering up some explanation for why things are will most likely be met with silence or resistance.
Just stay neutral, validate what and how it must be affecting her without doing any fixing. Ask if there is something you can do to help her. This is rather confusing, however with a little bit of work, we men can learn the rhythm of communicating on Venus.
Next time, John Gray will show us what men are thinking and saying. Until then.....................

Mars Mistakenly Communicating To Venus

When guys are not aware of their words or actions, they send large messages to women. When initially getting to know a woman, men can go on and on about either themself or about life theories they embrace.Women want men to be attracted to them for who they are and to demonstrate an obvious interest in her. Men need to understand that their knowledge about life etc, doesn't create an automatic attraction interest of him in her. THIS is a definite turn off. Being in conversation with a woman, when they display negative feelings about a situation or a person, this does not mean she is "hard to please."
We share equally with one another ALL sides of us because that is what forms the bond of a relationship. Men-take the focus off what you want and you will begin to see her in a dilfferent light. Never cease to extend compliments to a woman. A continuous flow of them, no matter how long you have been together, will always indicate your appreciation and interest in her. This helps to fuel the attraction she will have toward you.
Never become complacent about a relationship thinking you can live off the interest of your initial emotional deposit of having won her love and think you can now coast along, assuming she knows that you care. Always be in tune with what she is interested in while displaying your interest in her, That will heighten the attraction you will both have for one another, while strengthening the relationship, as you grow together.
In the last part of this series we will see how vitally important it is on both planets when it comes to making apologies.------------ Be well!!!

10 Things Kids Need To Give Them Hope

To be instilling a sense of optimism and feeling positive about themselves and others, we as adults need to concentrate on providing hope to youngsters. Let's look at what we can proactively do everyday.

First: Let's create healthy self esteem and competence in young ones. We do that by developing a confident sense of self.

Second: We need to affirm cultural competence and we help them by being proud of their heritage.

Third: Let's help children identify and express feelings they have which will help them understand themselves and others better.

Fourth: Let's role model what empathy is so they can learn what others are feeling.

Fifth: Let's demonstrate what perseverance is so we can show them what not giving up means.

Sixth: We need to role model responsibility which will show children what needs to be done, how to do it and how to complete it.

Seventh: Showing children the cause and effect of choices made will teach them how to associate the effects of certain actions.

Eighth: Teach them the technique of reframing which helps them look at problems differently and with a much more positive attitude.

Ninth: This is critical-problem solving, which done in the right way will teach them throughout their life to find once again, positive solutions to whatever problems they encounter.

Tenth: This need not be surprising, optimism and hope. Providing hope through their life will help to keep happiness in their life. There is an acronym for hope which is: Hold On Possibilities Exist!

Advocating for children is something I believe we are all charged with and if done with the correct mindset in place, children will have such a better shot at a more well rounded future and well balanced, happy life.

Let's Choose Happiness

Recently I saw a publication that one of my readers recently sent my way titled, "You Can Choose to Be Happy" by Tom Stevens. The title had reminded me of a book I had read years ago name "What Happy People Know" by Dr. Dan Baker. Yes I do enjoy filling myself up with as much of the positive minded attitudes I can find. Dr. Baker had said that there are as many as 54,000+ articles written on depression, anger, negativity etc however only a few hundred about positivity, happiness and the like.Ever wonder why we are being bombarded with TV commercials pushing medicines to quell these conditions?
Please understand that I am fully aware that in many peoples lives medicines are proper and necessary for daily functioning. However, for the rest author Tom Stevens is telling us we can "Rise Above" anxiety, fears, anger and depression. What we all must define is our self talk we listen to all day long.
What is your little voice saying to you? We all have a very special "you" inside of us who needs to be discovered. I believe that by understaanding the power of choice is important for all of us. If we do not choose to be happy then by default we are choosing something else. THAT may take a minuite or two to sink in.
A true and accurate statement--Happiness is hard work. Some of us have more insight to this than others. I have a rule of thumb about creating what you want in life. "Treat others as nice as you would like to be treated". I will ask you to join my Smile and Compliment Club! Each day as you saddle up to go out the door, place a big smile on that face and go give away as many sincere, genuine and honest compliments to others who are just going through their day living their life. Become "enough" to yourself by giving to others. By continuing to be critical, judgemental or have venom in your veins towards others, a true sense of happiness will continue to elude you. None of us have been given permission to be so pessimistic to anyone. Be mindful of the positive thoughts you fill yourself up with. Remember--you will become what you think about the most. Be careful--a positive thought heals, a negative thought steals--clearly again your choice!!! Deciding to be positive will increase your chances of problem solving abilities.With the holidays here and with this being the season of giving, it can become the purest form of appreciation. It is all about the giving because it asks nothing in return.
So begin with yourself first, THEN extend outward to others. This is something to personally experience (feel it) more so than making it a mental exercise.We all were taught to be responsibile for our actions however we were never told to be responsible for our feelings. Somehow we missed the memo.
Making a choice to be happy is to be proactive about stepping out of your comfort zone and do the work to achieve the desired results. I hope all of your choices will be positive as you travel along your journey to happiness.

Let's Create Some Space In Our Life

Sometimes we are going so fast that we do not either slow down, or stop all together to take an in depth look at what we need for our own self. Some of us have been programmed to the point where we are the perpetual caregivers to the entire universe. If you think about it, doing that is no gift at all to us, or to others, who are being taught to always turn to us for help or rescue.
At some point, we are going to come to the realization that this is just not working for us anymore. Look at the word "selfish". As young children, we were taught not to be this way, yours truly included. however, in the world of coaching, we will tell you to first make two words out of one: "self-ish". We give to each one of us the permission, to have the utmost care and regard for our own self development. As we relate this to our family, friends, job/work associates-we must always be aware that taking care of "self" is job one. The process of doing that is the "ish" part. It is ALL about taking care of self.
Now that we have defined it, why don't we look at some of the ways we can implement the "how" factor.? First, let's begin to unclutter your life. Where can we begin cleaning and clearing out a space to fit new ways of "being and doing" into your daily plan? As a result of the being and doing you will eventually get to the "having" part. Next, clear your calendar-learn to say no. This is self explanatory and easier said than done-I get it. I'm not saying you have to do it, just that it is necessary you begin it. Then, keep your free time "FREE". Only you make that happen or not.
Take time to meditate. Listen to the rhythm of your soul's consciousness. Take time for this. How about, return to the simplicity of nature? This one I have been taught by my clients. It works. Be careful of the critical people in your life. I have mentioned this before about developing the mindset of the book title,"What you think of me is none of my business". Crude? Not really. We are not running a popularity contest nor are we seeking the approval of others. If you are please call me immediately!! Take time for your health. Once you lose this or compromise it is difficult to get it back. Let this be a daily focus. Slow down-there's more to life than making it go faster. Make each day a day to reflect back on. DEBT-Do what you can to remove it from your life.
Once again--I'm not saying you have to do this OR any of the above, I just believe it is necessary to consider these to dial down the very stress these can be creating in you. Last of all, focus on you. Ideally it needed to be the first one we talked about however, I wanted this to be the last one you thought about the most. You-You-You! You are important. Remember--SELF -- Ish?Two thoughts I will leave you with; "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything".
Last but definitely not least, "Live simply, love generously and care deeply". Something I am sure I saw in a store on a plaque somewhere. It makes sense!!!! Thanks always for your time, interest and support. I am truly grateful."BE" a great day!!!

Follow Up On Boundaries

Boundaries are as necessary to our body as fuel is to any engine. So many people say they are living their lives when indeed they are just existing in their life. Whenever we do not feel the worth of our own selves, demonstrated by not being able to say what we want, or do what we want, it is as if we have given control of our lives over to just about anybody else on the planet.To feel muzzled, gagged, tied up in a knot by someone else's standards or demands, is not living a full functioning life.
We, as individuals, must realize this is no dress rehearsal, as we turn each page of our daily life. We are responsible for what we do and who we are becoming. Setting boundaries is one of the primary tools and the fuel we need for designing the life we really want to live.Two of the main reasons we set boundaries are to first protect ourselves and/or anyone else we are in charge of (physically, verbally, spiritually, socially and psychologically). Secondly, when we state what we want, what we expect, what we will and will not tolerate, we stay out of the other person's head, as to how and what they are going think of us. We will be free to state our wants, needs expectations and tolerations.
Our life must belong to us or we turn over the helm of our ship to just about anybody who will take it. We deserve better than that and a Coach will help you define your boundaries and show you how to implement them immediately.
As your Coach, I care about you and how you can free yourself from the chaos of these age old, self imposed restrictions and bondages. IMMEDIATELY--when you realize that someone is crossing the line, especially verbally, say to yourself in your head first, "I will not take your guilt".
Now that you are warmed up, let those words roll right off your lips. It is very empowering. If unable, then just say it to yourself mentally until you can express it. Picture a hula hoop and 50 feet of garden hose in a circle. Those represent your boundaries. Without any verbal responses to people, they can get real close to you. Hence the hula hoop. Not much room to move around in. However when you begin to address these remarks and verbal attacks, letting others know what you will tolerate and won't tolerate will put them on notice that change is coming about and it is all "about" you. NOW you step out of the hula hoop and step into the 50 feet of garden hose. Much more room to operate in as people will only get as close to you that you let them. Give this a run around the block a couple of times and see if you have success with it.
I am not saying this is easy to do nor that you have to. I am saying that it is necessary for your own survival and quality of life. I am also saying that as long as you allow these situations to continue, you can expect more of the same.So-unless and until you decide what you want in your life, just expect the same old stuff to continue.
EVERYONE is allowed to establish boundaries between ourselves(what we accept from ourself and what we won't), others and situations. When it becomes difficult and you loose your way, then it is time to call the Coach. I wish you Godspeed with this, as we can always disuss this at length by taking advantage of my free offer of 30 minutes of free coaching. Thanks again for your time!!
posted by Bob Riley @ 10:53 PM 0 Comments